Asterisk - Murder

[Mr.DGAF]

Hmm, this piece is a bit of a toss up for me. There were some really nice lines, but then there were some where I was like 'ehh'. Some of the rhymes were a bit forced, but I imagine that a natural accent kind of wipes that slate clean, so to speak. Flow was on point for the most part, though. It's probably the most impressive piece I've seen you drop since your writer's block, so you're definitely getting back to that spot you were at. Just a little more, keep pounding it out bruh.

[Sekou]

Yo name, who is this Asterisk you keep posting tracks from? He's kinda dope

[SG.]

Pretty much the same for me as Don't Give. A lot of the rhymes were really meh, but I'm glad you got out of the block.

Now, to the real matter at hand. You owe me a verse. And I have just the track for you. PM me if you're interested.

[Solace]

Asterisk is a really dope stage/writer name. If You Can Save Me Now, crazy production. One of the highlights off of The Family Sign for me. Because of the beat, I read it with Slug's voice in mind. It actually flowed very well for me. Although it's enjoyable, I agree with Mr. DGAF about this piece being inconsistent. It's a solid piece, but definitely improvable. Definitely confusing for my dialect/accent to try to get the rhymes here and there, so I can't even be sure if you meant for certain parts to rhyme. For example was star-clear supposed to be apart of the rhyming quatrain? If so, wonderful, if not it works just as well because of the flow.

Guitar strings shaking from the stage near
Distract me from my craziness and raging here

I figure

stages near/raging here

or

stage near/rage here

Would work better than stage near/raging here, flow and technique wise. But I'm assuming that crossed your brain and decided stage near and raging here would work better for you. There's not much else I can help with. I enjoyed the diction and imagery in this, and I'd like to note that the first couplet flowed brilliantly.

Here I am, sitting in the bar seat
Wishing I could fall mill meters in the concrete

Other than that, I can't say much else. As I said, solid, but you could easily diversify your rhyme schemes and at least come correct with consistent 2-3 syllable rhymes. It was clearly not an attempt to have complex and intricate rhymes, which is why I'm only noting it and not saying to improve on that because for all I know you can do it. Keep dropping CREAM.