I Need A Doctor Ft. Atone The Underdog

[J.R.]

beat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxpI2Z6x ... re=related

Feed:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=142533
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=142493

[Intro on instrumental]

[Verse- J.R. start at :30]
This shit's getting eery, the trouble's getting thick,
First person who helped me out, now you getting all this shit,
Like you're not good enough, or you should just hang it up,
I don't know much about it, but you've been shamed enough
I sit and I watch, I sit and I read you be criticized
I'm pissed when I listen to pleads for you to say enough.
But I will not give in, You aren't listening to them.
You're gonna improve...Cmon, you can be good again!

[Chorus on instrumental]

[Verse 2- J.R.]
Atone, the underdog who helped ME through shit,
improved my multi's, finished my stupid shit,
Now to watch you struggle to compose a rhyme,
ignorning feed, closin' your mind,
it's painful to see someone who was a friend,
meet this painful, bitter end.
But you haven't met your demise..
This is just a blessing in disguise..

(Verse)
he's just a regular, joe shmo
they say he has- no flow
and if he don't try harder he just won't blow
his ability just won't grow
and there's just some things he don't know
but boy when it comes right down to it
i'mma do it just to make you all look stupid
I cook ruthless and get you all shook thru this
off the hook music
see- i used to be that kid in the back of the class
the silent type people thought would fade away in the past
but take a look at me now, things changes so fast
and now i got em all starrin, lookin at me thru the glass
wonderin what will i do next,
and this is my true test
for me to just do best
but sometimes my best just don't seem good enough
\perople still hatin, so what else coulda i bust
to just- get them jaws hangin what should i thrust
for that knock out punch, that one hit
to get em to love me, leavin smoke off that gun tip
i'm takin creative control and make this flow run crisp
and for those of you who say i aint done shit
let me unzip- and you give my nuts one kiss

[Spyder]

very novice no offense, seemed like you two went backwards on this one for real.
Atone your rhymes were basic, basic multies, basic vocab, all basic.

JR your multies were almost all off and broken, it CAN work it audio(still shouldnt do it often)
but not really in text.
This shit's getting eery, the trouble's getting thick,
First person who helped me out, now you getting all this shit,
Now to watch you struggle to compose a rhyme,
ignorning feed, closin' your mind,

both just throw off the flow, other lines barely have multies or dont at all.

seemed like you guys were trying way to have to Copy a thought.

imo, go back to being somewhat lyrical and have original ideas.
no hate just honest feed