This one goes out to my ex!

[Words]

Recently, I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me for the second time in our relationship- when she called to dump me. So I'm venting right now in this.
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=143057

Bitch go suck another dick, so tired of your shit,
and while you're leaving me, take this heart that you ripped
out of me. It was a wild trip, fine that I'll admit.
But overall in the end, a shitty relationship.
If this were battleship than it's a "G4...miss!"
Fool me once, shame on me,fool me twice, shame on you.
Cheated on me once, and I fucking forgave you.
For fucks sake then, I could've just erased you.
Taken all my wallet pics, cut out faced you.
No trace left for your disgrace to,
haunt me everyday- but I sacrificed that for you
Who woulda knew that you could be so cruel?
I thought staying loyal was some sort of rule
Well I followed it, for over 2 years, guess I'm the fool.
Or maybe I'm just the dumbass blind man
who couldn't see that I was second handed
while you were with him in his fucking van
show'n off every inch of your full body tan.

(Puke Chorus)
You don't know how sick you make me!
You make me fuckin' sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I puke
You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you I puke

I should've seen it coming, it was in front of my face
All that time you spent together, something was outta place.
but you were just friends, nothing to worry about
besides, I love you so much, how could I ever doubt.
Afterall, you've been so loyal , no reason to shout
Oh wait...that's me! For you cheating seems so easy
Just drop to your knees whenever some guy says please.
I was always faithful, not to say I didn't have the chance.
but at the end of the day, I had respect for our romance.
And this was you last chance, it ended our last dance.
You want to still be friends? Fat fucking chance at that.
Better chance of me pulling another slut from a hat,
then have her pull a dove out her vag, as the final act.
I'm not taking you back, I'm not falling for that trap.
We're through, cut scene- the martini- that's a wrap

(Puke Chorus)
You don't know how sick you make me!
You make me fuckin' sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I puke
You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you I puke

[Words]

Was excited to read this from the blurb at the beginning about your true story inspiring it, then I was very unimpressed. This wasn't very good. It only had end rhymes that were mostly (if not all) 1 syllable. I understand it can be more difficult writing about real things, but man...who listens to music that isn't real or inspired by real things? Not many. Those artists don't blow up, and they stick to insane multies just to rhyme about nothing in the underground.

My first piece I wrote to a beat sounded something like what you just wrote, but worse. Keep experimenting. The rhymes have to be at least 2-3, or 3-4 syllables at the ends to generate a decent flow. Especially for text. It's just..awkward reading it.

And I'd suggest rhyming bars (every 2 lines) instead of random lines. Sometimes you rhyme 2 lines, sometimes you rhyme 3.

Referring to this:

out of me. It was a wild trip, fine that I'll admit.
But overall in the end, a shitty relationship.
If this were battleship than it's a "G4...miss!"
Fool me once, shame on me,fool me twice, shame on you.

So if I get a line like:

Today I was mad at my girl, so I hit her,
I got so pissed I drank all of my liquour
And got so drunk that I finally hiccuped,

You're gonna expect the next line to have that same end-rhyme scheme. But if I throw this line in after:

But really I just ended up on the floor.

You'll be like, "wait, what?" and the flow will be all messed up. Just keep working on it. And btw, I'm sorry about the situation. My ex-girlfriend did the same thing.

Thanks for the feed. This was written pretty late and night and I was pretty tired, so reading it back now- the flow and rhymes do seem really off. Some of these lines I don't even remember writing.
This was more about me just getting shit off my chest, writing about shit like this always seems to make it better. I may go back and pollish it, or I may never go back and try to forget she ever existed.