Confessions (Fiasco Day 6)

[SG.]

Beat: Royce da 5'9" - On the Run
LOF: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146354&p=1928691#p1928691

I felt like I was obligated to get in that confession box
People always measure your guilt unless it drops
The priest said, "What are your sins?", I didn't know what to tell him
So I said "Dawg, you want some drugs, cuz I sell 'em"
The next day, I came back, cuz he hadn't forgave me yet
I told him "C'mon, man, you already saved the rest"
He said "God sees all, and he ain't forgiving you,
So I'm not doing it either, good riddance too"
But I couldn't accept it, couldn't face the facts, growing restless
Then I got a new gun, gotta try it, gotta test this
Went round the parochial house and shot a window
I called it revenge cuz he never got my single
Day Three, I went to the box, but there was a funeral
Turns out the priest, they didn't know who would shoot him though
I asked a mourner, "Who the hell would do this?"
He said, "I dunno, he was listenin' to Zabe's music..."

[Mr.DGAF]

This was pretty good man. Your multi game has stepped up recently, and you did a good job of actually moving the piece along coherently. I wasn't feeling the last bar much though. I know what it implies but that answer is kinda random. Like if I asked someone how a person died and they said "I dunno, he was pooping." At least that's what it felt like to me.

[Doodlebug]

Beat: Royce da 5'9" - On the Run
LOF: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146354&p=1928691#p1928691

I felt like I was obligated to get in that confession box
People always measure your guilt unless it drops
The priest said, "What are your sins?", I didn't know what to tell him
So I said "Dawg, you want some drugs, cuz I sell 'em"
The next day, I came back, cuz he hadn't forgave me yet
I told him "C'mon, man, you already saved the rest"
He said "God sees all, and he ain't forgiving you,
So I'm not doing it either, good riddance too"
But I couldn't accept it, couldn't face the facts, growing restless
Then I got a new gun, gotta try it, gotta test this
Went round the parochial house and shot a window
I called it revenge cuz he never got my single
Day Three, I went to the box, but there was a funeral
Turns out the priest, they didn't know who would shoot him though
I asked a mourner, "Who the hell would do this?"
He said, "I dunno, he was listenin' to Zabe's music..."

I like this.. it made me smile.

Especially the "God sees all, and he ain't forgiving you" - I can actually hear the sarcasm in his voice as he says this to you and a bit of irritated-anger.

[Sam.]

This one's really nice, too dope, that it's sad that it hasn't been fed yet. Nice story there, but with an predictable end. Sorry to say, but I saw this coming. Defo' the multis are good, smoother I shall say. Nothing forced, so I give you the pass. Story was shortened, you squeezed it in, should have spread it over more bars, could have made it more multi dimensional, giving more perspectives.