First time writing!

[Lasers89]

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146747

Hey guy's and girl's so this is my first post and my first time that i try to write. I was listening to the buffalo bill instrumental and i wrote this 16. Just wanna know what you guys think about it.

Get ready for jack the ripper,
Jack you for your jacket zipper,
Shave your momma's head with a clipper,
Tie her down to a pole and stab her with scissor's,
Snatch your sister's and make them listen to rick ross till there ear's get splinter's
See my mind clicks like a type-writer,
So of course i am a skilled writer,
Never will need a ghost-writer,
Flow tight like the nile river,
So it's now or never, so you better never say nevah !
Cause ill shred yah like cheddah,
Package yah, Saran wrap yah and burry yah,
Yah see i got infinite skills, infinite thrills, giving you infinite chills,
Jeez! how did he become so ill with no license to kill,
Screaming at bill with no intentions to kill,
Mic screaming at me saying KILL, KILL, KILL.

Part 2:

So go ahead and try to catch up with my flow's
By the time you do that ill be busting your balls with steal toe's
Disfiguring you like santo's messing with mafiaso's
Eating cake and shiting in your mouth threw a funnel in colorado
So come here pronto, i got a license to unlicense your MC license pronto
Fucking bars over bitches, leaving MC's in serious condition
With no condition to stop my spectacular condition
Ryhming words that you nevah seen before
Throwing oranges at you while i stab you with syringes
Reading hyroglyphics while I'm under the trenches waiting to snipe you in extreme conditions
Waiting for the day till you deminish so i can replenish
Set you on fire and have you scream to be extinguished
See i spit biter bars and not that sweet gay shit like a kit kat bar
So i will attack and smack you till your blue or black or whatever comes after that
See i know i am a class act while your just a fucking cat
Meowing over the mic like you are severally handicapped.

[Mr.DGAF]

Seems like everyone's first attempts at writing on this site have a relation to horror themed shit haha. Since you're new I'll try and help as much as possible.

First of all, the rhyming is a bit simplistic. That's not terrible in different cases, but pieces like this are built on rhyming. You can say whatever you want, so it should something big, ya'know? You've got a couple mulitsyllable rhymes in there, but nothing too impressive. I'd suggest just taking sayings or phrases you're familiar with and writing them down, then thinking of how much you can rhyme with it. That'll help increase your vocab as well as different rhyme schemes. Eventually it'll get to where you hear people say something in conversation that you like the sound of, and you can just start naming rhymes for it. The flow was a bit iffy for me as well. Some lines are a bit too long, especially the rick ross line. Try and shorten the syllables, and make your bars longer. It helps change the flow so it's not too generic, where general sounds automatically dictate how the flow goes. It's also a lot easier, for writers still beginning, to line the bars with more multies to help the flow go.

Like a bar automatically flows better with more multies. That doesn't mean it's the only way, just something to help you get the flow down perfect until you're ready to move on to more complex flows. The lines are pretty typical, stuff you'd expect, and that's not bad. These topics/lines/whatever are used a lot for good reason; they're great to help build confidence in beginning writers. My first piece was almost excactly like this in terms of rhyming and flow. It gets easier with writing. Just look at pieces here, there's a lot of good writers that can help you pick up more complex rhyme schemes/vocab. Also, writing to a beat makes it easier to pick up the flow for the reader. But that's also something that is tough to get right from the start. There's a good thread Slim Fiasco made a while back in terms of flowing on a beat, but I don't know if you should worry about that yet or not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be a dick or anything. But I see a lot of good potential come around and post one piece then never post again. Some helpful critique is the reason we post these pieces, you know? But anyway, keep at it dude. Just keep writing, ironing out shit in your head. I'm sure there's more stuff I've left out that other writer's can help with, but this is all stuff I felt could directly help you in the immediate future.

[Lasers89]

Thanks so much for your input and i agree with the topics you brought up. I just finished another set and i kinda took some of your advices but i can see this is a skill you attain with practice.. can't just come all at once haha so here is part 2 i guess :P

[Sam.]

Seems like everyone's first attempts at writing on this site have a relation to horror themed shit haha. Since you're new I'll try and help as much as possible.

First of all, the rhyming is a bit simplistic. That's not terrible in different cases, but pieces like this are built on rhyming. You can say whatever you want, so it should something big, ya'know? You've got a couple mulitsyllable rhymes in there, but nothing too impressive. I'd suggest just taking sayings or phrases you're familiar with and writing them down, then thinking of how much you can rhyme with it. That'll help increase your vocab as well as different rhyme schemes. Eventually it'll get to where you hear people say something in conversation that you like the sound of, and you can just start naming rhymes for it. The flow was a bit iffy for me as well. Some lines are a bit too long, especially the rick ross line. Try and shorten the syllables, and make your bars longer. It helps change the flow so it's not too generic, where general sounds automatically dictate how the flow goes. It's also a lot easier, for writers still beginning, to line the bars with more multies to help the flow go.

Like a bar automatically flows better with more multies. That doesn't mean it's the only way, just something to help you get the flow down perfect until you're ready to move on to more complex flows. The lines are pretty typical, stuff you'd expect, and that's not bad. These topics/lines/whatever are used a lot for good reason; they're great to help build confidence in beginning writers. My first piece was almost excactly like this in terms of rhyming and flow. It gets easier with writing. Just look at pieces here, there's a lot of good writers that can help you pick up more complex rhyme schemes/vocab. Also, writing to a beat makes it easier to pick up the flow for the reader. But that's also something that is tough to get right from the start. There's a good thread Slim Fiasco made a while back in terms of flowing on a beat, but I don't know if you should worry about that yet or not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be a dick or anything. But I see a lot of good potential come around and post one piece then never post again. Some helpful critique is the reason we post these pieces, you know? But anyway, keep at it dude. Just keep writing, ironing out shit in your head. I'm sure there's more stuff I've left out that other writer's can help with, but this is all stuff I felt could directly help you in the immediate future.

The best feed you can get. This is just perfect advice. Plus, the thing that I always say practice poetry.

[Ka0t1c]

you don't need to do the infinite chills, infinite bills, infinite pills thing

don't try to be lyrical

[Slim Fiasco]

Yeah, you can check the link in my signature and get some advices from there.

[Finn McCool]

The rhyming was alright, I would suggest that you start using multi's, once you practice them, they will become easier, and once you master the multi's you can work on inverses, and this will in return make your rapping better. But all in all, this was pretty good for a first time writer