Proud

[Doodlebug]

Someone said to my other post that I should do rap in this section and oddly I wrote something kinda like that.. hey I'm old - it's as close as I can get. . Thing is, I saw this guy at the store and some snooty girls called him a thug scoffing (not where he could hear them). because he had on an old shirt, driving a pretty messed up car. So I kinda typed this out really quick - thinking of what he'd say to them.


Proud

It’s so frustrating
this having nothing

wheeling & dealing
the whole day through
just to survive...

You scrape alot
to scrape together
so few ....things..

Seems the faster i run to catch up
The lack of ‘stuff’ in my life
weighs me down


Yeah.... my life
simple but sweet

It’s like .....
where I can be free
...but sometimes seems a prison



It’s irritating
that drive...
to have -

The need - the greed -
the wanting...


And i sit here
quite peaceable like

And I remember
how hard –
how damn hard...
I worked for the this & the that

Now it’s here – all around me...
Faded from years
souvenirs of my memories
measurements of my life’s success


You know what I got - I got
And in that I can be proud

I don’t need to live up to someone else’s standards
Have what they have.. or do what they do...
– to be me...

Yeah... I’m Proud...


LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146368&p=1939767#p1939767

[Sam.]

Loved the situation that you've described here. The words that you wrote go well if you call it a Rock number, not a Rap number.

[Mr.DGAF]

You've definitely got a poetic feel man. Like Sam said, I don't really consider this much of a rap piece at all. But that doesn't mean it's failed in it's intentions. Presentation wise, I think you could shorten it into stanzas or, if you're aiming for a rap, bars that aren't spaced so much. It's not a deal breaker by any means, but it'd be much easier to read and process. But aside from that, I like this.

Now it’s here – all around me...
Faded from years
souvenirs of my memories
measurements of my life’s success


This part, whether planned or by accident, was the stand-out for me. The first three lines flow so elegantly, that's awesome dude. I can't quite place words on it. Just, good stuff man.

[Mr.DGAF]

[Mr.DGAF]

Hahaha I call errbody dude or man. On this occasion, I missed the gender part of the profile haha.

[Atone]

I see this as more of a poem, and i like it, as a poem it sounds great, it's structured way to odd for it to be a rap tho,

[Doodlebug]

You saw a little bit of yourself in him, didn't you?

Yeah true.

I grew up in the worst of the worst and went to a school that bused us in - to one where rich kids went.

But it's okay I only got teased once .. generally they learned thats not a good idea to do. Girls can be aggressive to you know (I"m a girl).

It just made me angry, but my granny (Grandmother), helped me understand only thing of true value I have, is my name, reputation and spirit.

I know my stuff is more like poems, but thought I'd share...