Comin In Hot - BrendanO

[Brendanoooo]

I come in hot, like my fuckin pants are on fire
See me flap my wings, man there aint nobody flyer
Now bow down to the king, and homie just retire
Im first string quarterback, you just a spare tire
I cant say that i like you, cause i am not a liar
Chirp me one more time and consequences will be dire
Your girlfriend is now mine, she quenches my desire
The bar is raised how high? I'll fuckin take it higher
And way down from below me, my ass you can admire

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146785
LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146821

[Eedee]

Just for future reference, you only need one link for a single piece.

Anyway, I like the way you keep the "fire" rhyme scheme throughout the whole piece, however the rhymes are a bit simplistic. Plus there's no beat. Write to a beat! It helps the mood

[Sam.]

Just for future reference, you only need one link for a single piece.

Doesn't matter, it's sets a good example for others. There's no hard and fast rule that you have to post only one LOF.

Feed:
Reminds me of young money. Need to work on the Multis, mayne. Most of the ending rhymes are just plain basics, it's like you're writing for the first time. I used the same ending words to write my 1st piece here, in this section. I rhymed the same words 32 times. Practice poetry and other basic thing, you've a long way to go. Read the dictionary for new words to rhyme. If you wanna learn about that, check Geno, Ego and DGAF'S work. They are the shit now.

[Brendanoooo]

Feed:
Reminds me of young money. Need to work on the Multis, mayne. Most of the ending rhymes are just plain basics, it's like you're writing for the first time.

This is my first time writing

[Sam.]

Then do the things that I said.