We all have tough times...

[Gummybur]

I found this concept sort of funny, wrote it up quick, let me know what you think! Love you guys.

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146594&p=1945087#p1945087


Yeah, there's a cookie at the bottom of my cup.
Life's so fuckin' tough though.
Under cooked all of the mothafuckin dough.
Dipped my cookie into the cup of milk.
Who know id get into a situation full of filth.
Half of my cookie is at the bottom of the cup.
Just like half my check is at the top of with the gov.
This cookie's relentless, gives me NO fuckin love.
I just try and spoon it out the cup, thinkin' what the fuck?
Cookies smashed up, milk is all warm and shit.
It's worse than an SNL skit, gotta pull it off.
cookie's so soft, fuck it, i'm full of it.
Even Betty told me I'm a crock-a-shit.

[Eedee]

I have to go to work, I'm in a rush so I'll post the LOF when I get back, sorry guys. I found this concept sort of funny, wrote it up quick, let me know what you think! Love you guys.


Yeah, there's a cookie at the bottom of my cup.
Life's so fuckin' tough though.
Under cooked all of the mothafuckin dough.
Dipped my cookie into the cup of milk.
Who know id get into a situation full of filth.
Half of my cookie is at the bottom of the cup.
Just like half my check is at the top of with the gov.
This cookie's relentless, gives me NO fuckin love.
I just try and spoon it out the cup, thinkin' what the fuck?
Cookies smashed up, milk is all warm and shit.
It's worse than an SNL skit, gotta pull it off.
cookie's so soft, fuck it, i'm full of it.
Even Betty told me I'm a crock-a-shit.

LOL this! That's some funny shit, dude.

Anyway, time to feed this since everything's getting slept on it seems.

You really need to write to a beat. It helps tremendously with flow. I couldn't really find a flow for this, honestly.

The rhymes were ehhh, could've been better. The concept was extraordinarily abstract. Who raps about a fucking cookie and milk? Haha, I mean that in a good way.

But yes, write to a beat, work on those rhymes, but keep up the concepts/topics. They're quite funny haha.

[Sam.]

LOF, PLEASE!

[Mr.DGAF]

I love the concept. Again, reminds me of some movie I watched a while back called Rubber haha. But enough on that. The rhyming is so-so, but the concept is great. You just need to find a balance in rhyming well. Its not a necessity but, on this site, multies are the king. And I feel like its something you could deffo work on. Other than that, some good lines here and there. Loved the Betty Crocker line haha.

[Gummybur]

Yeah I feel like I have my metaphors down, typical rhymes down, multi's...I'll take a crack at that. Thanks for the feedback guys, and, the LOF is coming up. Sorry, been extremely busy.

[SajN]

LOF, PLEASE!

Dude, we have a staff that takes care of this. Please let them do their job. You do yours, we do ours.



I know you said it's coming, but I will still close this. When you have it, PM me, and I will unlock the thread. At least you got some feed.

EDIT: LOF added.