To my best friend.

[Gummybur]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146610&p=1951343#p1951343

You were always the one gentleman that took care of me.
I was a little flawed, I guess I was a Mental gem but now I'm free.
Everything that you spoke always got through to me.
"Stay in school, you can do it, do your shit correctly."
A bully knocks down my books, you call them and say fuck off.
I stand in the hall with tears, acting like its a cough to cover up.
But even with your relentless help it still wasn't good enough.
I'm tearing up writing this Sabby, please come back to us.
This last 4 years have been impossibly rough with out you.
It's like growing up and trying to enjoy a 1998 cartoon.
I'm moving forward now, but Sabby, you're still behind.
Brother, no matter what goes on, you'll always be on my mind.

RIP, Sabby. My best friend You were like a brother to me. Stood up for me like no one else could, or even would because they though it was "gay". Wherever you may be right now, I love you.

[Eedee]

I'm sorry for your loss... the emotions stood out as the best part about this piece.

Rhyming could've been better but with these type's of pieces, I don't blame you for letting them take a backseat.

[SliK]

It's hard to criticize a piece like this, because it's obviously heartfelt and I genuinely enjoyed it. I really feel your pain in this verse. I think, like Eedee said, you need to work on your rhyming. Some lines don't rhyme at all. That would be the only criticism, but like I said I like this piece. Chin up mate.

[Sam.]

No hard feelings, man. I know at this point you can't really just can't say the things that you wanna say in the best way possible, your mind is clouded with the pain. So, I'm not gonna look at it that way. Simple story, could have been bigger. Could have added more verses with more experiences that you had. Still, nice.

Keep ya head up, and handle. - Tupac.

[Block]

I agree with Sam and Slik. It's hard to give any sort of critical feedback on something like this. I write a lot of pieces of this sort; the type where you post just to get the shit off your chest, not for the feedback itself. Either way, it's good that you're expressing yourself this way. Keep it up. Writing has become my ultimate way of relieving stress.