What's Wrong With Me

[Atone]

this may be one of the last pieces i post here, got alot of shit goin on, but i thought i would post up something i wrote that best expressed current times, i'm not leaving the site, i'm just not going to post as much, i can't explain in full detail so this is the best i can do.

(Verse)
Outta nowhere i'm cryin, feelin like i'm outta air and dyin
just wanna close my eye lids i don't care i'm tryin-
so hard to not let go but i don't know how much further i can-
hold on to this god damn, thing called life in my hands
before i, just fall apart, it's all just heart
but it's all just dark, sometimes my mind just unwinds
and i have thoughts of all kinds, wanna leave it all behind
but can't, it's so hard dealin with this pressure
the stress of depressin it's a test of my endevours
that i been feelin forever and never been able to really express it
without agression in my raps my tracks just aint enough
to show you what i go thru on a daily basis
as i deal with crazy phases of pain in places
so insane i hate it, hard to stay on my feet
and at the same time it's so hard for me to sleep
but with no pay there's just no way for a doctor to treat
so it's a waste of 3 hours in the hospital seat
and i cry for help i can't take it much longer
but nobody's there not even a care from Obama
so i- pray to the skies for the strenth to hold on to
my emotions in these moments just to be stronger
cuz if, i let this disability takeover i'm a gonner

(Chorus)
In these moments it's just so hard for me
to find the strength to hold on and be
a soldier fighting off these demons i keep screamin
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME

(Verse)
At night i pray, i say to god "where's the angel's"?
my life's in danger, i'm in pain with so much anger
and no where to aim it, i'm goin insane
wishin i could tame it, wishin for changes
fist balled up, a headache and i take a deep breath
talkin to myself tryin to calm down and take the next step
hell, i even call off this little bitter issue with my sister
as i skip thru old songs where i dissed er
just pissed, and sometimes i wonder who the hell i am
as i look in the mirror sometimes i just don't understand
how i let this anxiety take over where i stand
wishin i could get a grip, but i slip
i start to flip, but then i bite my lip
cuz if i really spoke out it would just stir some shit
and whoever has ever heard me trip know's how bad i get
i'm just tryin to keep ahold of myself
knowing right next to me is a sword on the shelf
a bottle of pills and if i really fall
i head up to the store and steal bottles of alcohol
and just let go, but no, i refuse to go back
even tho in my head at any second i could snap

(Chorus)

(Verse)
I ask myself am i normal? or am i really broke
somethin new awoke, maybe i should be in a white coat
in the asylum away from guns and ropes
it's hard to cope, when shit just get's so extreme
it don't even feel real anymore, like it's all a bad dream
wishin i could wake up, and sometimes i just wanna scream
so much pain inside, i just gotta fight thru it
find a good beat and write to it
this isn't just words- this is my life's music
and don't tell me to give up and die cuz truth is i might do it
this is what saves me from pain daily
yeah maybe i'm a bit crazy
but maybe if i can block out the struggles
and focus on verses i can climb from the rubble
and escape the curses that got me in trouble
dear god, just let me make it another day
another year without another tear, and be okay
no more shakin, no more achen, no more waitin
just let me take this, and obliterate it

(Chorus)

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[Doodlebug]

You have a very good pattern and I like your play on words.

This I like the most:

"Outta nowhere i'm cryin, feelin like i'm outta air and dyin
just wanna close my eye lids i don't care i'm tryin-
so hard to not let go but i don't know how much further i can-
hold on to this god damn, thing called life in my hands
before i, just fall apart, it's all just heart".

As I read, I have a visual .. I like it.

[Nimation]

It's awesome. I wish I knew the beat too. Overall I think the chorus is great.

[alcatraz]

like the flow of this piece homie...what stands out most to me though is how honest and personal you came with it. keep writing about what you know and feel from the things you've lived...nice piece

"just pissed, and sometimes i wonder who the hell i am
as i look in the mirror sometimes i just don't understand
how i let this anxiety take over where i stand"...can't tell you how much i can relate to these lines