Havent been here for ages!

[UzaKING]

Hello trshadians, I've started writing again recently, after taking a year long break, and would like some feedback. I don't even remember the last time I came to this site HaHa, So I'm going to post a verse I just wrote and go check out the site a bit.. Thanks for reading, any constructive criticism is appreciated. Oh yeah, I don't write to beats so my flow is a bit wacky.



As a toddler I became an author of the flame
and started burning water in the rain,
Can't you see the contradictions that I slaughter with my brain?
I started my own religion, like a martyr and a saint
and achieved my goals easy, like a starter in the paint
after that last burst,
god heard and came in honor of my name,
so if you're a player, then in the father of the game,
spittin' bars that hit harder than a train,
im on point, I dont falter with my aim
every shot hits, like a walther at the range
if this was a test, then my colors would fly farther than a plane
if you tried to match my flow, your jaw would break from strain
you couldn't carry my weight if you knew how to operate a crane
and the audible medicine I prescribe, would make a doctor fake his pain
now, to all you local MC's that share a common place to train,
I'm so hungry to battle, but everything on the plate is lame,
I mean cmon, this states a shame, I dont even consintrate to reign
you guys aren't even in the picture, I dominate the frame
im so beyond their pace, my lane, takes monsters and makes em tame
now watch me walk up to a lion, and confinscate his mane

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=148236

[AbramIsaac]

Hey, welcome back!

We have a link of feedback rule that requires you to post a link to a recent post of feedback you've given another member in the CW section. I'll have to lock this thread until you can hit me or another mod up with that link.

Sorry man, rules are rules. Just get that LOF and it'll be open again.

[Eedee]

I'd just like to say before this might get locked that the way you kept the same rhyme scheme throughout the whole piece was brilliant.

[EvryOnesACrtc]

I'd just like to say before this might get locked that the way you kept the same rhyme scheme throughout the whole piece was brilliant.

This.

Impressive. You know how to use multis with well thought out writing. Basically, you're not just rhyming for rhyme's sake. That's good. I hope you stick around.

[UzaKING]

I'd just like to say before this might get locked that the way you kept the same rhyme scheme throughout the whole piece was brilliant.

This.

Impressive. You know how to use multis with well thought out writing. Basically, you're not just rhyming for rhyme's sake. That's good. I hope you stick around.

Thanks for the feedback I hope I stick around also hah, but the problem is I never fucking write, I lack any amount of motivation, but hopefully I can change that