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Choose which one of these I should keep working on

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Choose which one of these I should keep working on

Postby BigBoss » Oct 2nd, '12, 09:55

My rhymes ain't nothin like those typical lines
I dine myself to my own fears when I write
I take the time to make it sound right, if it don't bring me hype I call it a night,
Start a fight, fuck a knife ill stick my finger in your throat and wait for you to croak,
I ain't like the typical folk, fuck your swag and Yolo
ill shoot you in the fuckin head and watch your mother beg to hug you,
Unlike you other blokes ill show a little remorse,
I'll sit at home after staring at that corpse,

The passion he holds is fashioned into a shaming attachment/
He's taming these bastards with his voice still he's comin off as a massive spaz, he's just that fantastic/
The measures he took were drastic, never liked school but was enthusiastic about learning words from Scholastic/
He's iconoclastic towards this new age rap shit,

Here's some twisted shit you can't fathom/
Imagine a mother having a mental spasm/
In front of her two sons, one holding two guns/
The other springing a knife, ready to end your life /
It might be the right time send the mother to an asy-lum/
All they want is sil-ence, dreaming of an abandoned is-land
RIP IN PEACE VIGILANCE
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Re: Choose which one of these I should keep working on

Postby EvryOnesACrtc » Oct 2nd, '12, 18:35

Definitely the last one. The others seem sort of directionless, BUT if you could rewrite the 1st one with better rhymes then do it. That one had some good content, but lackluster rhymes.
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Re: Choose which one of these I should keep working on

Postby BigBoss » Oct 2nd, '12, 21:30

Got it, last one, then re write the first one, then I guess the middle last, I liked it haha it was gonna be 'uplifting'

EDIT: Thank You!
RIP IN PEACE VIGILANCE
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Re: Choose which one of these I should keep working on

Postby MichaelRoberto » Oct 16th, '12, 12:33

I too liked the last one. You need to work a bit on the first one and the rest will be fine. So this is how you would be get going.
[url=http://www.barbaraimmobilier.fr/immobilier/achat/immo-marly-le-roi-78/bien-appartement

/]vente appartement marly le roi[/url]
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