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Backflips and Dropkicks

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Backflips and Dropkicks

Postby Just Silver » Aug 18th, '13, 17:43

Feed- Painkiller SPR *cant copy n paste :sweating:

High as a plane, dropkick out the cockpit
Have a red dot above your lip cindy crawford
Sleep with the crawfish the mac make u backflip
Off a bridge, land in to the rocks your forgotten kid
Tighter than the rope on the hostages,
Your cleaner than the soap that you drop in pens
Lookin through the opera lens on stage
Sophisticated with rage talkin over you like billy mays
But not like his coke sniff im focused unlike home vids
Your a trike thats slow sped i come with knives i sew heads
Back on like puppeteers make a motherfucker clear
I control your fear shifting it a whole gear
Above the maximum price of your head is some gas pumped
Then show up in black truck with a cap gun and your ass runs
like diarrhea, im macgyvers teacher bomb non believers
Uppercut god cause my songs arent decent
Enough to hit plays i accumulate fate
Fine wines with grapes overseas fuck a state
Cheese that smells like a trex debate
Hes next to pray that i put the gun away
I was one of age before that faggot was a stomach ache
even when i was three i believe this guy wasnt my knee height
So now im back flowing tighter than his Levis
Im in big clothes and hitten all foes with a nine size of Trimss nose
Its time to expose like wet clothes on sets of hoes
Sexual pose hardness on my armed shit gettem regardless
Set of the targets get bigger when you play for offense
Out of bounds end of rounds or hit by a pitch
Ilegally we run around the game while you quit
Cry like a onion cutting bitch gun "tucked in" to your ribs
Like i said goodnight last night to your kids
Id say what i did to the wife but implied lines you dick
and im done rhyming attempts if u cant find it im out
Cause honestly id rather flow my own way or id drown
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Re: Backflips and Dropkicks

Postby Just Silver » Aug 19th, '13, 20:50

bumpin
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Re: Backflips and Dropkicks

Postby Just Silver » Aug 21st, '13, 02:47

last bump then new project :y:
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Re: Backflips and Dropkicks

Postby Mr.DGAF » Aug 25th, '13, 18:45

This was actually pretty dope man. Some good schemes in here in terms of rhyming and whatnot. Usually when I read your pieces I'm not overwhelmed by the rhyming, but this was pretty good. As far as writing, it's not too complex in nature. You've got some clever stuff in here for sure, but it's kind of watered down because they are packed inside a large verse. I'd suggest splitting stuff up or trying to maintain a consistent pace throughout the verse.

Also, sometimes I find it hard to follow your train of thought. It seems like you jump around a lot to different things even when you're on a fairly good thought line. I dunno, it just seems like there's some random stuff in here that jumps around. It's not a bad piece by any means, but this is something I've seen from a lot of your pieces. You're a pretty good writer and you put a lot of stuff out, so I just figured this would be a little something for you to think about next time out. :y:
You'd be surprised...
How many truths you can hide in flows

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Re: Backflips and Dropkicks

Postby Just Silver » Aug 25th, '13, 18:49

thanks guy i appreciate it :y: and yea i feel like the randomness is somewhat my trademark
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