Lyrical Lounge (freestyle)

[Wreck]

LOF- viewtopic.php?f=24&t=165806&p=2445998#p2445998

Verse

I had real Solace and pride
after I demolished this guy
lyrically, while his bitch polished me dry
I wave my dick like a foam finger when I gave her my college's pride
When the female student gave me lip, it felt like collagen inside
Shit, I'm like an atheist, when I abolish the tithes
bitch, i'm like T.I. of school- the king of the class
Beef is like James Gandolfini, it's just a thing of the past
I'm not a chicken, but for my friends' sake I was wingin it last
night at the bar, before he did it like R. Kelly and started singing to her ass
Think multies don't mean shit? Ok, I'll add in a "punch" and a kick
I treat e-beef like waste, when I say I'm done with this shit
I'm not a rat or a "mouse," nor do I run with a "click"
You can call me Michael Vick, except that I ain't done with a bitch
I summon her quick, summer's so quick
And I call my condom's NASCAR, cause we burnin "rubber", it's sick
Call the new place span if the mother's a spic
If the devil did math, it'd be a 100 of 6
Used a math ruler to measure my dick
Pussy is like gold, call the hidden treasure the clit
Started to caress her mid-class when the professor is sick
Watching Futurama with Bender, as I reach in the Vendor for chips
I won't surrender, it must be September cause I can't remember to sit
I'm a Survivor like Penner, I won't teller/tell her, instead I'll pen her real quick
On a serious note, I'm furious yo
Delirious, no, you gotta hear me though
Rest in Peace to my baby sister- '97-2013
This aint funny, it hurts me, and for an answer, I'm thirsty
I love and miss you, memories are lost inside
I wish I could've seen you one last time, before the coffin and demise
But it's time

[Just Silver]

some decent punches here and there guy but a lot of forces
although tbh som vocabulary i didnt understand such as "tithe"
and collagen

the T.i punch was sorta corny also the NASCAR one but everything flowed ok worse at times but overall ok
multis were decent too
just too many punches lol if thats possible

just tone it down a bit guy and get a lil bit more complex if your gonna do a big punch piece

[Wreck]

some decent punches here and there guy but a lot of forces
although tbh som vocabulary i didnt understand such as "tithe"
and collagen

the T.i punch was sorta corny also the NASCAR one but everything flowed ok worse at times but overall ok
multis were decent too
just too many punches lol if thats possible

just tone it down a bit guy and get a lil bit more complex if your gonna do a big punch piece

how is there such a thing as too many punches, and is how is that a bad thing?

Do some research if you don't understand what tithes and collagen are. I didn't see any forced ones at all.

[Snakebeast]

This shit is fucking awesome. I loved the punchlines, but I feel like some of them didn't have enough set up, and you jammed too many of them into here, when you could've spread them out more, for example:

"You can call me Michael Vick, except that I ain't done with a bitch"

Besides that, though, I really love the rhyming and some of the lines made me laugh, for example:

"I wave my dick like a foam finger when I gave her my college's pride"

[Wreck]

This shit is fucking awesome. I loved the punchlines, but I feel like some of them didn't have enough set up, and you jammed too many of them into here, when you could've spread them out more, for example:

"You can call me Michael Vick, except that I ain't done with a bitch"

Besides that, though, I really love the rhyming and some of the lines made me laugh, for example:

"I wave my dick like a foam finger when I gave her my college's pride"

Thanks man, appreciate it. And thanks for the feed, I agree with you there, I'll keep that in mind next time.

[B.A.D.]

Hmm, I quite terrible giving feedback to written stuff, but haha, man I like the multi rhyming schemes you are using, I can imagine this as a battle rap in a way

"If the devil did math, it'd be a 100 of 6
Used a math ruler to measure my dick
Pussy is like gold, call the hidden treasure the clit"

ahh, brilliant haha

damnz, I like it

Also man, I can read through the psycology of this verse, from when you started to write it to when you were finished, I can imagine this took quite some time and thought, and different things were going through your brain. You start cocky and punchy, by the middle you start to get more into technique and seriousness, by the end you even get personal. So thats quite a good one.

I dont know what else to say, would love to hear this on audio.

Good one fam