My Darlings...

[Halftongue Dre]

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=171484

Watch n listen
But learn nada
As you audience
The future economic onslaught
Solemn to the grave
Of a raw need for an atomic conflict
War like kamikaze martians
The illuminati marching
With the onset
Of cosmic Armageddon
The apocalypse
To help sort through the zombie wannabes
Pondering all theses thoughts
Comically adopted
Not to fret
In the wrong wit conjured
(Roger, copy that)
Rouge, renegade, scoundrels
Bombing
Dropping dollars
In homeless coffins
For the moment
Cold as coarse I call it
Psychologist an honor
Gradually not just underlining the problem
But actually paying homage
To the one who's going to cause it
Coming to the Lord
In this apocalyptic environment fogged up
Fighting the storm
Byproduct of a mighty Thor
But not a god cuz
I'm just a worrier
Here to warrior logic
A fight concerning the laws of nature
That you call it understood and how it works
Physical like got it!
Frolic with the floor you are walking
Fun just darting fourth
Wandering through a course of options
Remorse obviously not just oblivious
My darlings
To the enigmas you can't solve cuz
It's a mystery having to watch all your eggs fallen
Right into the puddles you are stomping
Laying them softly
As you warship grounds in which y'all are cautious
Having to readjust ducking
When things bust out into the open for just being honest
Worship to God as
The hotheaded seamonster goblins
Continue praying brains out through a facet
Faucet aspects of battleships falling out with the process
Y'all can lose again
After already having lost once
Cuz y'all got the wit
So find the conscience
To promptly pray to God as
You ask him to give you the right kind of hope
The knowledge
To help readjust
For the future wallop
Come riding on a white horse
Common to the assault
When it mashes with a punch
Brawling
Coming to obstruct
All us to a halt
Free from feeling fine
In the offset when it erupts on us
Like ugh!
Trying calling the cops...

[Supershade]

Wut

[EvryOnesACrtc]

I don't even... Structure, bro. I was seriously trying to give this a chance, but it's so hard to follow because of its randomness and lack of structure. There's some good, hidden, gems of rhymes in there, so props on that. You seem to understand multis and patterns, just don't know what you're talking about. Write something more relatable and you'll be my favorite writer on the site.

[Just Silver]

Structure is fucked up

But honestly I loved the abstract imagery it was crazy and different
Couldn't flow this for shit but the vocab is spot on

Just work on your structure and everything else eventually will come with it starting with flow

[Halftongue Dre]

Thanks guys..