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Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby GoodGirlsGetGutted » Mar 31st, '10, 03:55

Hmm.
This reminds me of Lose Yourself, even down to the flow.

And a great flow it is indeed.
Excellent vocabulary and word choice (except "fam").
Top notch lyricism.

I can't say I can relate to the concept, but that's my problem, not yours.
Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
-Matthew 7:12

-Chaos zawladnal światem po raz kolejny-
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby GoodGirlsGetGutted » Mar 31st, '10, 04:04

The first time you used it it was okay, but the second time?

supportin his fam like he supposed to be

(c'mon man...)

supporting his famiLY like he supposed to BE

No excuses for missing that rhyme.
Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
-Matthew 7:12

-Chaos zawladnal światem po raz kolejny-
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby Fa-Q » Mar 31st, '10, 04:33

Holy shit at the flow...I think this is the best...love the rhyme scheme... Crazy good drop
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby BabyBLue91 » Mar 31st, '10, 05:47

Love songs with a little twist at the end.. good story telling skills! It read pretty smooth to me. Keep em coming cole :D
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby Arabian Shady » Mar 31st, '10, 08:40

DUDE that second verse was killaaahhh!
the flow was really good man, for reeal, went really good with the beat.
the story tellin was stop on man, it was like 3 mini movies :y:
Good shit
ArAbIaN ShAdY


We're all on the same page, Yet we're standing apart on different lines'
So when we face rage, Ya'll fake it and let THEM commit horrific crimes
50 years & going straight, Yet this performance aint worth your time,OUR
Shit is BACKSTAGE,Cause the front page aint worth Kashmir and Palestine.
"Front Page",Arabian Shady


FiNd mE At dA "CREATIVE SECTION", I AM ULTIMATE INNOVATION!!
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby classthe_king » Apr 1st, '10, 17:20

This was.....great. Was I the only one that knew it was the same kid before the ending :shifty:

Was this all true?
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby MikeNUFC » Apr 1st, '10, 17:46

I'm a massive fan of storytelling stuff and this wasn't an exception.

The structure of the rhymes were perfect and I picked up the flow straight away when I read it, without hearing the beat.

Great work.
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby dR3 » Apr 1st, '10, 19:47

This was purely brilliant Cole, keep it up.
Can we expect audio for this one?
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby MikeNUFC » Apr 1st, '10, 20:21

dR.dR3 wrote:This was purely brilliant Cole, keep it up.
Can we expect audio for this one?

Yeah I'd love to hear audio of this. Especially with that brilliant beat
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby dR3 » Apr 2nd, '10, 00:12

Coleon wrote:
classthe_king wrote:Was this all true?


nope :p

and about the audio, I write all my stuff for audio these days so yes, I will be recording my good stuff once I'm good enough, for now it's 16's and maybe a throw away track

Good enough for what? Writing or audio?
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby classthe_king » Apr 2nd, '10, 15:26

Coleon wrote:
classthe_king wrote:Was this all true?


nope :p

and about the audio, I write all my stuff for audio these days so yes, I will be recording my good stuff once I'm good enough, for now it's 16's and maybe a throw away track


Haha oh, well then I still like you're first story the best, about the boy and the girl that died. If this was all true I would have liked it the best.
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby Tash8 » Apr 2nd, '10, 15:46

I truly enjoyed reading this Cole..props on that. I love this writing style, it's very descriptive--almost too much though.

"stealin quick, not cause he wanted it but needed it
his stomach rumbled, his hunger it was eatin him"

my fav two lines..nice job bro
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby classthe_king » Apr 2nd, '10, 15:50

Coleon wrote:how could it be true? a guy can't live two lives just to kill one of them


IDK :angry: All of it could have been true but that
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby Tash8 » Apr 2nd, '10, 15:55

Coleon wrote:
Tash8 wrote:I truly enjoyed reading this Cole..props on that. I love this writing style, it's very descriptive--almost too much though.

"stealin quick, not cause he wanted it but needed it
his stomach rumbled, his hunger it was eatin him"

my fav two lines..nice job bro


thanks bro, and I love being descriptive, using my story writing skills in rap is a dream come true, I finally got around to writing these stories I've had thought up for a while

thanks Tash :worship: love it when guys like you drop by to feed


sick man, i used write drops like these all the time--kinda stopped recently though...hit me up for an audio collab man.
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Re: Coleon - Intertwined Fate (One Last Story...Best Yet?)

Postby Tash8 » Apr 2nd, '10, 16:03

you can't record during spring break but you definitely can still improve yourself.

If I were going on a cruise with my family right now, besides trying to pick up girls, I would go to the bow of the ship and start freestyling. Or better yet write some shit and then go spit it at 3 different speeds (slows, normal and fast). Believe it or not, but that helps a lot. Rapping it slow, helps me learn to pronounce everything. Rapping it fast helps me flow better. and then when I feel comfortable I rap it normal speed to a beat.

but yeah that's just meeee.

p.s. talk about wake and bake btw...(i woke up at 6:30 and decided why not?)
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