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Remember Me?

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Remember Me?

Postby Ticalrecords » May 10th, '10, 01:36

I wrote this to Eminem's Remember Me, i wanted to do something reeely angry, and when i rap this I'd be screaming my lungs out. What yall think? feedback is much appreciated


Im tryna clean up my fuckin image,
and some how I think it correlates to the outcome of the cup I pissed in/
but fuck that, if im o for nine, what can I go for then?/
shit I’d lace my own sample to say that im O for ten/
I’d dump a vial of coke in the cup, so when that nurse opens it up,
she can see it as my personal token of love/
weed dehydrates so I gotta waste a fifth/
before I can hold that cup steady to take a piss/ s
o just imagine that shit, your in the office/
and some dumb motherfucker hands you a sample of his urine and vomit/
haha the narc handed me the cup saying, “its time to grow up”/
I said “thanks doc, Im always in need of som more styrafoam cups”/
watch for the bold dash, to pick pocket the whole stash/
my lungs sacs are all shriveled, and when I run my chest cavity rattles a little/
yo doc, use the stethoscope, to hear the methadone,
banging up against my chest and throat/ “left alone,
that shit might be hazardous, I cant give you a definite answer but,
your lungs look like bags of dust”/
fuck off I aint passed a pee test since my high school years/
im in college so why the FUCK should I try to here?/
I got pills that bend my spine and then leave me leveled straight/
then I got pills that do magic and you can see me levitate/
I don’t believe in god, but heres a very descriptive disclaimer/
its only becuz iv never seen him, kinda like the bottom of the prescription container/
god damn im fucked up, so remember me/
the guy who still running even on dismembered feet/
The air is all crammed, in there but not for long when I get down to sniffin aerosol cans/
fuck it if I go bald, the only hair I can spare second glance, or care about is the hair that’s on plants/ haha druggie.Every number in my phone I only call em to buy drugs/
and I’d have a clear view of where im goin if I didn’t have so many problems to hide from/
if I was low-key I could prolly get away with shit/
but id rather stand outside the house of mirrors with a tray of spliffs/
the guy who unlatches the bar on roller coaster rides,
the acid taking freak the pot smokers poster child/
the guy who cums so hard in her mouth and throat,
she chokes and looks like she coughed milk out her nose/
When im in the booth im obsessed with the world remembering me on some memorial shit/
so i put a gun to my head so I can say I sprayed the mic with more than just spit/ mutherfuckers. Remember me :smoking:
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Re: Remember Me?

Postby Ticalrecords » May 12th, '10, 01:20

God Damnit...bump
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Re: Remember Me?

Postby classthe_king » May 12th, '10, 01:31

First thing I'll say is work on the structure/flow. It's all over the place and makes the piece sound weird. Rhymes were good though and I liked the emotion felt in the passage.
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
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Re: Remember Me?

Postby Ticalrecords » May 12th, '10, 01:48

thanks man, and yeah im working on that sentence structure shit. its a process..
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