H.O.P.E.

by **Liquid_Fangs** » Jun 13th, '10, 15:57

Every 4 lines is a new scheme and a new story, kind of a fail but it's whatever

Flak and shells pounding their armor
the tank stood stoic, Charlie surrounded to conquer
they prayed to God, they bowed in his honor
till they looked up and heard the sound of the chopper

desert marauders , in search of water, they were dying
eachother’s flesh got appetizing, burnt and frying
they turn to lions, gone berserk into titans
a luscious oasis burst through the horizon

a man enlightened, by graceful hands of his God
steps out the truck, it’s fate, he’s strapped with a bomb
sees a child, presses the button, grabs onto his arm
nothing occurs at all, on God’s command it was calm

he stands tall, as his father beats his mother to death
wait no, the brink of the edge, there’s breath in her chest
it’s wreckin his head, so last night he stepped to their bed
the trigger he pressed it, right before it ended he said

“there’s hope when nothing else is left”

by **mcZu** » Jun 13th, '10, 16:04

Not bad, I liked it. Could use some more multies, wordplay, etc. But you managed to convey the perspectives from each scene in a proper way. Keep it up.