by Enimee » Sep 8th, '10, 15:49
nice punches, but the shit was mad forced, the midget line was kinda wack with little relevance annd the flow was sorta off cause you didnt connect your punches with enough fillers, there were pauses but i had to read it over to incorporate them you should have peiced it together better if your gonns use one liners like that or atleast through some more commas in there or somethin to allow the reader to catch the idea, you cant just toss around some nice multis and punches you gotta connect them too, imo but what do i know right