Fa-Q - Faded Notes

[Fa-Q]

The ink smears in my closed diary, glows fiery,
Leather’s worn, my pen makes feathers mourn,
My lonely pencil shows dull, the wind blows cold,
The rose sold, its pedals, as soon as it grows old,
My pages filled, the flows are different rages killed,
The stone cold traces are time stopped, ages stilled,
The loose leaf is the past, it’s no longer obtuse beef,
I am locked with a brass lock, inside an empty cage,
My wimpy rage, is my poker face, I simply change,
But I think rains, have dripped on my long ink stains,
Whether it be wide ruled, or the college ruled lines,
I’ve wasted, and feel sorry for all the fooled pines,
Satan’s favourite numbers now become pooled nines,
Somehow I see all the one inch margins are ledges,
Peaks forces mountains, as hardened scarred edges,
The greenery I smoke, is new gardens hard hedges,

Its hard to write with thorns, but I confide in flowers,
Drown in iniquity, but now I have Poseidon’s powers,
Now I strike, for I am a part of the most fright’ning cult,
My Ideas hit the notepad, it mimics Zeus’ lightning bolt,
Is it the growing god in me, or am just I showing oddity,
Pen held, I feel like I am Ra’s shoulder, hand, and knee,
I am a monster, I have the command over land and sea,
I control these words that I know, would proudly fight,
In the shining sun, pouring rain, or on this cloudy night,
I write with rocks, that would have been crushed today,
I tell my minions, put lust away, one’s too crushed to say,
I crush the lead with each barefoot, which lacks sandals,
Envelopes seal my letters with red wax from wax candles,
My pen swirls, a tornado, the ultimate of tongue twisters,
I compare these notebooks, as if I had two young sisters,
And when I lost one, she’s forgotten, like none missed her,


Eyes of Satan, slants at my level, the dance with my devil,
My skin is too soft to lift, it’s out of time, I run off the cliff,
My skin is no longer pale, the description is peach or mango,
My pencil dances the salsa, it’s his turn to teach the tango,
He teaches me the tango, and now my mission begins,
By listin’ my terrible three sins, and once he slumbers,
Six will be only digit left, I watch as he hunts the numbers,
My pen is my needle, ink my heroin, my only prescription,
It rots my teeth, when I speak, every word strips them,
I have listed each of the deadly sins, all written in sand,
When flows are written, they’re smitten when planned,
I close this diary, I stopped, but slowly I’m writing again,
My inner anger, is the only thing that’s guiding the pen,
I’ll silence my inner demons, forever I’ll be fighting the sin,
I’ll close the leather spine, I know that the weather’s fine,
The ink’s run out, but I know that this light feather’s mine,

[Block]

I see my influence. Funny. My criticism? Learn how to write to a beat. Atleast you shortened your lines.

[Fa-Q]

Whatever

[Fa-Q]

bump

[Xray]

Nice structure. Shorter lines than your usual stuff, which is good improvement.

Lots of multi's and cool images captured....but. I feel like your stuff is TOO poetic and revolves around too much emotion. You try to make it too complex, and it's like reading a piece about your emotion but none of the emotions you use, really deliver. You don't make much sense sometimes, because you're trying to make your pieces as complex as you can. Take my word for it, emotional tracks are best done when you write it in a way the audience can relate to it. Less big words, try to deliver more hot lines rather than using this many multi's. Try to be more versatile lyricism wise, you can use punches, wordplay and similes more in your pieces.

Mind feeding back bro?
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=99448

[Fa-Q]

Thanks for the feed X, and I really actually tried to simplify this even more than it was...I guess I could simplify it even more...it doesnt tell exactly what I wanted to say so I might rewrite it...thanks though

[Fa-Q]

last bump

[macdaddy019967]

Damn, if you were going for complexity, you got it
It was a little hard for me to understand, i had to re-read it
but I like the complex shit, im not complaining

My Favorite part
"My Ideas hit the notepad, it mimics Zeus’ lightning bolt,
Is it the growing god in me, or am just I showing oddity,
Pen held, I feel like I am Ra’s shoulder, hand, and knee,
I am a monster, I have the command over land and sea,"

[macdaddy019967]

The ending was dope too :
"I’ll silence my inner demons, forever I’ll be fighting the sin,
I’ll close the leather spine, I know that the weather’s fine,
The ink’s run out, but I know that this light feather’s mine."


I like your style, nice stuff man.

[Fa-Q]

Thanks a lot, Macdaddy

[Fa-Q]

Thanks Again, macdaddy...thoght I should thank yo twice

[Block]

Or you're trying to bump your shitty piece -that obviously no one wants to feed- after stating in a previous post that it was your last bump. Good job.

[Fa-Q]

Please quit spamming my piece