new verse

[Edge]

came back, tried spittin extra hard... feedback especially appreciated on this one

I always stay high, Its never been a while since Iv smoked a dutch
Im a pitbull, I just choke the mutts, leave them broke and such
leave their throats with cuts, I approach with guts, yea, I got mettle
When you see me roll up in your hood, your stomach will not settle
The way I disturb ya peace is ludicrous, what I’m doing, few done this
Ya crew, guns hit, and when it comes to spittin I’m shrewd with wit
I hop on the mic with brilliant strategy, you come with a dumber plan
I got a hundred guns, and none are gunna jam, I’m the Son of Sam
Beating out emcees, inside of Summer Jam, lay pipe down like a plumber man
When I say a lot of friends are burnt, I don’t mean that some are tan
Its your favorite pot head, coming through with the gun with the hot lead
Ya friends are saying how you got dead, I’m sellin narcotics like I forgot Feds
If you try to sell on my block, youl get twisted and turned up like a cyclone
when I hop up on stage and grab the mic-phone, that’s when im in my zone
Leave ya minds blown, cause mines grown, as a rapper iv just grown
I leave the rest thrown, and stay with your girl cause she gives the best dome

[Edge]

thanks for the support

[GoodGirlsGetGutted]

Too good not to be commented on.

Multiple rhymes were the strong suit in this particular piece. The way you carried the cadence into "plumber man" was fairly impressive, and the line made me laugh.

I could have done without hip hop clichés like "get twisted" and "gives the best dome". That's been said and done thousands of times, so I'd recommend being a little more original with your word choice.

Now, if I were you, I'd lose the words "summer jam" and put something else there in its stead (so you don't say "summer" twice). Here's why: For your "some are tanned" line, I would absolutely love to rhyme that with "summer tan". "Some are tanned from summer tans", or something like that... it's as flawless a multi as you could possibly ask for.

The concept was pretty typical, but you presented it well enough, and kept it fresh with lines like
"leave their throats with cuts, I approach with guts, yea, I got mettle
When you see me roll up in your hood, your stomach will not settle"

Except I would have ended it
...yeah, I got some mettle
your stomach will unsettle

It's more creative and it's better grammatically.

Good stuff, keep it up.

[Edge]

thanks for the feed man... appreciaate stuff i can build on