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Quick Verse

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Quick Verse

Postby ThomasJ » Jul 20th, '10, 20:23

I put my soul and my heart into this poem that I write
All alone in this fight,early morning but it's night
In my mind,that is getting darker with every single day
And I gotta swim... because the ship has sailed
I wonder would they miss me,if I suicided
I believe they love me,but fate is truly blinding
What's the point in having friends,if they won't lend a hand
When you need it the most,the hate,you feel it,so close
Nothing you can do about the people of their kind
You can say "whatever" and put on fake smiles
Take piles of drugs,alcohol and pills
And if that doesn't kill you then the Tech and Glock sure will
Another young life ended,happens every day
If it isn't you,then just make a happy face
Cause you lived another day,but maybe tomorrow
Your family will be feeling anger and sorrow

(This goes really well with the When I'm Gone beat by Eminem :y: )
...The mortician of love, sent from above
Forced entry, the more wenchy, the more stingy I become
Been doing this for more than a quarter century, I'm just numb...
ThomasJ
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Re: Quick Verse

Postby ThomasJ » Jul 20th, '10, 20:29

McMaybe wrote:Pretty nice man... I like the simplciity in the flow, makes for an easy structure. God content/rhymes, etc.

Thank you very much man,but I'm pretty sure you mean good,not God,cause I'm not really that good :P
...The mortician of love, sent from above
Forced entry, the more wenchy, the more stingy I become
Been doing this for more than a quarter century, I'm just numb...
ThomasJ
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Re: Quick Verse

Postby Solace » Jul 20th, '10, 21:43

It was alright. I couldn't get with a lot of your couplets, some didn't rhyme and ruined the flow but the story itself was pretty good.
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Re: Quick Verse

Postby ThomasJ » Jul 21st, '10, 10:09

Solace wrote:It was alright. I couldn't get with a lot of your couplets, some didn't rhyme and ruined the flow but the story itself was pretty good.

Not every line has to rhyme with the next *cough* Nas *cough*
And the flow is great actually,you need to hear ME rap it :tounge2:
But yeah,anyway,this was really quick,nothing special.
Thanks for the feed :flower:
...The mortician of love, sent from above
Forced entry, the more wenchy, the more stingy I become
Been doing this for more than a quarter century, I'm just numb...
ThomasJ
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Posts: 2918
Joined: Mar 31st, '10, 10:26
Gender: Male

Re: Quick Verse

Postby neversnooze » Jul 21st, '10, 21:05

Solace wrote:It was alright. I couldn't get with a lot of your couplets, some didn't rhyme and ruined the flow but the story itself was pretty good.


i agree with solace on his review. some parts did not even rhyme, but the basic story telling made up for it. if it does flow better when you rap it, post up an audio link when you get a chance :y:

good job bro 7/10
Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed
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Re: Quick Verse

Postby ThomasJ » Jul 21st, '10, 21:55

Thank you very much man :flower:
Yeah,this does flow much better than it looks like.
But anyway,this was just messing around really.
Thanks for the feed :happy:
...The mortician of love, sent from above
Forced entry, the more wenchy, the more stingy I become
Been doing this for more than a quarter century, I'm just numb...
ThomasJ
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Posts: 2918
Joined: Mar 31st, '10, 10:26
Gender: Male


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