Co-Operation (Revised)

[Solace]

I feel astounded too, all the way around the noon,
Looking for something else when all I found was you,
Damn and at the time I felt so crowned with jewels...
Walk and gauze my wound for it covers up a thousand truths,
And all the sound is mute, I think it's very fair to me,
Because it shared with me our intense similarities...
Where is free? You're scaring me, am I scaring you?
We're so close to apart, what else is a pair to do..?
If I care, I lose, I'm thinking loss is inevitable,
Time flies, minutes polished with seconds to go,
Fighting for a lost cause, I'll bluff this way to cope,
To force my fucking rage to be encaged and choked,
Helps me to forget Melis-I mean whatsername and oh,
Thinking it pushes me towards another day to go,
Not sick no, I'm nauseous though, stop the affliction,
Not poppin' prescriptions but I'll lay off this addiction..

You're the only way for me to neglect my enemies,
I'm the only way for you to break out and fight scared,
You are the only way for me to repress my memories,
I'm the only way for you to wake from your nightmares.

Know that sometimes I wish I hadn't, then I left you,
Now this is what had happened when I met you,
There was storm that night, woah, such a horrid sight, so,
I walk towards to light, no, left with torn insides, broke,
Nothing I kept, walking destroyed and crying...
After I saw their lips connect, they rejoiced in silence...
One thing led to another, more than a stab to the back,
She pulled my spine from my skeleton and snapped it in half,
I'm trapped, and there you were looking awful see,
Stuttering, muttering, murmuring, "Come talk with me",
I was synthetic and yet you couldn't get the message,
A kid, demented, and never was I sympathetic...Wow...
The past is sick only now that I look back on it, god,
Vulnerable you could say when I had your lips locked,
With such grace your face had resembled hers,
And my imagination was great but it never worked.

You're the only way for me to neglect my enemies,
I'm the only way for you to break out and fight scared,
You are the only way for me to repress my memories,
I'm the only way for you to wake from your nightmares.

[Outro]
You weren't her... And I never accepted it,
You weren't her... And I forever regretted it,
I walk around like I'm nothing and I'm worthless,
Wishing I was something with a purpose.

Link of feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=98534

[classthe_king]

This is great Solace, glad you're posting again even though I've already read this.

[dR3]

Haven't read a piece from you in ages.

This is amazing, the structure and flow are on point, and I kinda like the content.

Tell me something, why aren't you with a black name too?

[SajN]

This was really great! Loved it!

[Solace]

This is great Solace, glad you're posting again even though I've already read this.

I'm only posting this, not my other material if that's what you mean. And thanks for the kind words!

fuckin awesome, i love, love type lyrics and like sentus said im glad ur posting here again.

Thanks Steve-O

Haven't read a piece from you in ages.

This is amazing, the structure and flow are on point, and I kinda like the content.

Tell me something, why aren't you with a black name too?

Out of the like 20 people on that list for black name voting I wasn't even on the list lmfaoo, but I don't know nor care about the black name. Thanks, I don't get why you're acting like it's so great when you only said you "kinda like the content"?

This was really great! Loved it!

Thanks Mister Admin

[dR3]

Haven't read a piece from you in ages.

This is amazing, the structure and flow are on point, and I kinda like the content.

Tell me something, why aren't you with a black name too?

Out of the like 20 people on that list for black name voting I wasn't even on the list lmfaoo, but I don't know nor care about the black name. Thanks, I don't get why you're acting like it's so great when you only said you "kinda like the content"?

As I said, the flow and the structure impress me. Love as content isn't exactly my cup of tea.

[Solace]

I understand, regardless thank you for reading it.

Bump. I have revised it.

[Devil'sAdvocate]

[Solace]

:y:

Lol whats that supposed to mean

[DƎRDYPK]

:y:

Lol whats that supposed to mean

it means take your pants offf
i mean he thinks it's dope

it is dope though
really dope my friend
I can't think of any other word but dope
your writing never fails to amaze me Solace
this piece is great
I loved the 1st verse the most
the 2nd verse was also good
but I loved how you opened this

[mcZu]

You've improved a lot, bro. Incredible lyrics, emotion filled, I love it. Keep writing like this, Omar, keep doing ya thing.

[Solace]

Thank you both, it means a lot.

[ilovebender.com]

I feel astounded too, all the way around the noon,
Looking for something else when all I found was you,
Damn and at the time I felt so crowned with jewels...
Walk and gauze my wound for it covers up a thousand truths,
And all the sound is mute, I think it's very fair to me,
Because it shared with me our intense similarities...
Where is free? You're scaring me, am I scaring you?
We're so close to apart, what else is a pair to do..?
If I care, I lose, I'm thinking loss is inevitable,
Time flies, minutes polished with seconds to go,
Fighting for a lost cause, I'll bluff this way to cope,
To force my fucking rage to be encaged and choked,
Helps me to forget Melis-I mean whatsername and oh,
Thinking it pushes me towards another day to go,
Not sick no, I'm nauseous though, stop the affliction,
Not poppin' prescriptions but I'll lay off this addiction..

You're the only way for me to neglect my enemies,
I'm the only way for you to break out and fight scared,
You are the only way for me to repress my memories,
I'm the only way for you to wake from your nightmares.

Know that sometimes I wish I hadn't, then I left you,
Now this is what had happened when I met you,
There was storm that night, woah, such a horrid sight, so,
I walk towards to light, no, left with torn insides, broke,
Nothing I kept, walking destroyed and crying...
After I saw their lips connect, they rejoiced in silence...
One thing led to another, more than a stab to the back,
She pulled my spine from my skeleton and snapped it in half,
I'm trapped, and there you were looking awful see,
Stuttering, muttering, murmuring, "Come talk with me",
I was synthetic and yet you couldn't get the message,
A kid, demented, and never was I sympathetic...Wow...
The past is sick only now that I look back on it, god,
Vulnerable you could say when I had your lips locked,
With such grace your face had resembled hers,
And my imagination was great but it never worked.

You're the only way for me to neglect my enemies,
I'm the only way for you to break out and fight scared,
You are the only way for me to repress my memories,
I'm the only way for you to wake from your nightmares.

[Outro]
You weren't her... And I never accepted it,
You weren't her... And I forever regretted it,
I walk around like I'm nothing and I'm worthless,
Wishing I was something with a purpose.

Was this you getting stuff of your chest or written for some girl?
I this isn't bad for medocre, kinda long though, I thought it went on and on and on, but that's just me, nice try anyway, but, allow it, it's like your pouring your heart and soul out about how've lost lost lost, like blah blah blah... Sorry, but, I found it hard to concentrate on your work here.

[Solace]

Was this you getting stuff of your chest or written for some girl?
I this isn't bad for medocre, kinda long though, I thought it went on and on and on, but that's just me, nice try anyway, but, allow it, it's like your pouring your heart and soul out about how've lost lost lost, like blah blah blah... Sorry, but, I found it hard to concentrate on your work here.

It's a written rap, you realize rap songs go up to 4 verses? And I only had two 16's here, yet you say it dragged on lol. To each his own, cheers.

[ilovebender.com]

Well yea, each to their own.
Most of my lines consist of like 3/4/5 words, most of the time, this, just seemed more structured with line after line with your 1st line only having 4 words that rhymed given the 10 words that your opener had, I guess that's not all bad but I equally wasn't wowed too. If you wanted to do a standard format like you were writing off a template or something, good job, but I guess my style is a little bit more 'free and less structured' than yours, which made for a particular mundane read, for me, not speaking for anyone but me though.