As We Cry (Full)

by **Fa-Q** » Sep 21st, '10, 18:18

Very poetic, Maybe...you have an artistic and philosophisor (dodgeball) way of writing...i love it and I would love to hear that hook...good drop

by **Jay-Hova** » Sep 22nd, '10, 21:55

This piece has incredible vocab :smoking:

And I like how you don't worry to much on the lyricism (even though it's still tight) and focus more on the overall message. Love to hear that last part of the song after the 2nd verse sung...good shit Maybe :y:

And if you could feed any of my pieces it'd be tremendously appreciated lmao...we're dying for feedback as writers :sweating:

by **mcZu** » Sep 23rd, '10, 22:35

The first verse is impressive, indeed. I do think you could have done without ''fuck'' in the second verse, kinda took away the whole poetic allure of the second verse. But the first verse makes up for it.

by **Republic** » Sep 24th, '10, 00:32

It's alright.

by **Republic** » Sep 24th, '10, 14:37

McMaybe wrote:
Republic wrote:It's alright.

Oh really? Care to tell me what about this piece was not to your liking, Republic?

'Alright' doesn't mean I don't like it, it's just .... alright.

by **mcZu** » Sep 24th, '10, 17:56

McMaybe wrote:
mcZu wrote:The first verse is impressive, indeed. I do think you could have done without ''fuck'' in the second verse, kinda took away the whole poetic allure of the second verse. But the first verse makes up for it.

Thanks man... Hmm.. do you have a suggestion?

There are multiple ways of rephrasing that line, depends on what you think is the best since you're the one who's going to have to make it flow.

But I would say something along the line of:

go forward and breath... the pen is mightier than any sword,
Your two cents? Here's a penny for my many thoughts...

go forward and breath... the pen is mightier than any sword,
Wanna have two cents? here's a penny for my many thoughts...

Phrasing it as a question would work. But it's fine how it is, I just think that that word is out of place. But it isn't a big deal.

Website · by **Solace** » Sep 25th, '10, 01:00

Fuck you and your amazing pieces. Honestly, it's like you have such an amazing vocabulary, and your rhymes fit perfect along with a thought out flow. You have bridges, choruses, you take the time out to do full pieces. :worship:

I loved it.

by **mcZu** » Sep 25th, '10, 19:19

McMaybe wrote:Oh shit, I like the first one man... flows beautifully. Thanks

You're welcome, sir.

As We Cry (Full)

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