The road to hell

[Rain Matrix]

slowly the hands of the clock Swing Around
any Minute Now it'll try to Bring me Down Into Doubt

and I'm Fin to Drown cuz I'm in Over my Head
I better say this before I get any Closer to Death

I'm Goin through Stress and it Stabs at Me
as it Slashes Deep in a heart full of Tradgedy

it's so Bad that He is Sad to See the Dagger Leave
my lungs have no Capacity for air and I Have to Breathe

so I guess I'll just Sit and Wait to Aspsphyiate
It's too late, I'm off to a much Different Place

Stick the Blade into me and let me Slip Away
tease with the sharpest pain as you Twist and Scrape

maybe then I'll Start to Change Discard my Brain
into the Garbage, Claim that you Starved for Fame

then procede to Carve my Name til the Scar Remains
on this Retarded Game, the road to hell is Dark is Strange (where Are these Flames?)

[Mr. Chambers]

link of feedback?

[ilovebender.com]

slowly the hands of the clock Swing Around
any Minute Now it'll try to Bring me Down Into Doubt

and I'm Fin to Drown cuz I'm in Over my Head
I better say this before I get any Closer to Death

I'm Goin through Stress and it Stabs at Me
as it Slashes Deep in a heart full of Tradgedy

it's so Bad that He is Sad to See the Dagger Leave
my lungs have no Capacity for air and I Have to Breathe

so I guess I'll just Sit and Wait to Aspsphyiate
It's too late, I'm off to a much Different Place

Stick the Blade into me and let me Slip Away
tease with the sharpest pain as you Twist and Scrape

maybe then I'll Start to Change Discard my Brain
into the Garbage, Claim that you Starved for Fame

then procede to Carve my Name til the Scar Remains
on this Retarded Game, the road to hell is Dark is Strange (where Are these Flames?)

I liked the flow in the format you used