BeTheChange

[Stavros]

Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=99199

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEM4vuomFs8&feature=sub

(Chorus x2)
People say be the change you wanna see in the world
Lose ya chains, find the truth watch the evil unfurl
I can tell you how it feels to be lost
But I can't tell you how to change...or what it'll cost

(Verse)
Don't misconstrue my religious views for my way of life
I'm an athiest, and each day I stray away from Christ
Live a pagan's life, afraid of death in a blunt reality
A blunt gets passed to me, I relax and puff it casually
But it saddens me, I'm chippin away at my soul
The smoke numbs me, I feel like it's making me dull
Taking control of the situation not an option
There's peers and long weekends, I don't know how to stop it
It crept out of a coffin, I couldn't bear to see
It crept into my lungs so fast there wasn't air to scream
I'm not a fiend, I'm not a burn out, not addicted
I just feel like my reputation is playing the role of victim
It's a decision, a schism between the present and past
A failed tutelage that most have seen but struggled to grasp
A car comes to a crash, twisted metal and shards of glass
A crossroads in my path, I love you Dad, I will surpass


(Chorus x2)
People say be the change you wanna see in the world
Lose ya chains, find the truth watch the evil unfurl
I can tell you how it feels to be lost
But I can't tell you how to change...or what it'll cost

[classthe_king]

Awhhhh
This was really good, expecially the end.

I couldn't figure out the grammar of the first line though, I think you had a type or something

[Stavros]

Awhhhh
This was really good, expecially the end.

I couldn't figure out the grammar of the first line though, I think you had a type or something

Misconstrue

[Solace]

Hit me hard...Great work dude, really well written.

[mcZu]

Taking control of the situation not an option
There's peers and long weekends, I don't know how to stop it

Off beat when I flowed it. Unless you use a stop & go flow or go double time there (or just a lil faster), I would advice you to rephrase that.

Content is great, nice rhyme scheme as well. Chorus isn't bad either. You should add a verse to this, only if there is more to tell of course.

[Stavros]

Taking control of the situation not an option
There's peers and long weekends, I don't know how to stop it

Off beat when I flowed it. Unless you use a stop & go flow or go double time there (or just a lil faster), I would advice you to rephrase that.

Content is great, nice rhyme scheme as well. Chorus isn't bad either. You should add a verse to this, only if there is more to tell of course.

The only place I stutter the flow is on

It crept into my lungs so fast there wasn't air to scream

But I'm thinking the part you mentioned is what's causing it

[mcZu]

Probably, yeah. You should try to add a rhyme to that line, or shorten it, to see if it improves the flow or not.

[Stavros]

I don't revise unless I record.

[mcZu]

I don't revise unless I record.

Fair enough.