Sentus- The Sniper

[classthe_king]

The full song got scrapped so here's my half

http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=100974&p=1386433#p1386433

It all started over greed for some intense paper
A civil war pitting neighbour against neighbour
Republicans and ‘crats in the freezin December
Fighting over beef they don’t even remember
One sniper laid on top a roof; scope on a target
His fingers lay on his lighter, hopin to spark it
In the cold he kept having to steady his weapon
Cause the president was under heavy protection
And he had lain for hours so his face was numb
On top of his lighter’s where he placed his thumb
In a risky attempt to gain warmth he lit a smoke
But immediately regretted that cause it had broke
The cover he had, a bullet whizzed by his head
He looked down but his getaway ride had fled
He was all alone, so he attempted a bold escape
But a bullet pierced through his shoulder blades
He fell, grabbed his shoulder and swore aloud
Ran in the stairwell and went towards the ground
He peeked outside and saw the cops proceeding
Then he wrapped the wound to stop the bleeding
He tried to lift his rifle but the pain exploded
Took a revolver, made sure the frame was loaded
Before he went out and saw one man between him
And the majestic and beautiful land of freedom
He took aim, fired a shot and then held his breath
Until he saw the bullet hit him right in the chest
He cried with rejoice but then stopped and paused
Cause he thought about what that shot had caused
In war you don’t think about the lives of another
So with curiosity he went and tried to discover
Who he killed but then gave a cry and a shutter
Cause he was staring into the eyes of his brother

[MikeNUFC]

I loved it.

Multies were well crafted - seemed quite effortless. Flow was fantastic - really consistent throughout. Not one line that messed up that flow. Storytelling was pretty good - good use of narrative.

Seen you got inpsiration from 'Dance With The Devil' with the ending - slightly TOO much like it - that's the only criticism I'd have.

[BILI]

I loved it.

Multies were well crafted - seemed quite effortless. Flow was fantastic - really consistent throughout. Not one line that messed up that flow. Storytelling was pretty good - good use of narrative.

Seen you got inpsiration from 'Dance With The Devil' with the ending - slightly TOO much like it - that's the only criticism I'd have.

agree wit Mike

Damn Class,you`re becoming a dope MC .This piece was almsot flawless

[Just Silver]

Never could get into topicals too much myself this one was good but not really my style
Very good structure and scheme 9/10

The little details is what made this piece

[classthe_king]

Thanks everyone

And I actually had the idea from a book Coleon showed me but I guess it is a lot like Dance With The Devil lol

[mcZu]

Pretty good. I would say, work a lil on your transitions, but the rest is ace. Can't comment on the flow, 'cause I need a beat first before I can judge the flow. Content is good, agree on the Dance With The Devil resemblance, but that doesn't take away that it's a good song.

[classthe_king]

Thank Zu, I'll work on the transistions

[WhatsAnEnigma]

There was something in history where a Sniper shot his own brother I believe, either that or it was a short story I read. That may be what you went off of.

[classthe_king]

There was something in history where a Sniper shot his own brother I believe, either that or it was a short story I read. That may be what you went off of.

Yeah there was a short story

[gutawafang]

Man, you made me wannna write again. Dope man. Fucking cool visualizations. Nice multis as usual dawg.

[ChristinaE12]

Again.. May not mean much coming from me at this point. I'll still comment anyhow.

I really like the storytelling/concept on this one. I could visualize every part of it. The structure and flow (from how I read it) appear to be pretty much flawless. Multi's all the way through as well.

Overall it seems very natural and comes across smoothly.

I like..

[classthe_king]

Thanks Christina, and your comments always mean something

[Ka0t1c]

Pretty good. I would say, work a lil on your transitions, but the rest is ace. Can't comment on the flow, 'cause I need a beat first before I can judge the flow. Content is good, agree on the Dance With The Devil resemblance, but that doesn't take away that it's a good song.

i agree with mcZu, i enjoyed the flow to this a lot, it was really effortless and smooth... with just a few flaws

[DƎRDYPK]

good stuff my dude
I can't wait till we collab.

[classthe_king]

I can't either
Thanks guys