Raids - "Locked Away" Snippet

[Raids-God]

Left a rap persona back in my locker last half term
I Wanna rap "Be me" not fake gangsters or marter's
Disaster's ! Ocour when i spitt near a weding the bride leaves all love see once had,
disowned at the Alter
A Culture ! of white mc's growing fast each year since Eminem and Devlin painted pitures like Walter !
But this aint no disney shit ... Rape in uks a bad Cycle
The word abused and missused since R.kelly and Michale...
made musical crimes... pushed fanbase's of rides at Neverlands Entrance doors
kept police on there grind...
Lawers got so much work ... and Judges feel short of bribes
Hell these days ... not getting arrested a crime
So fuckit lock me away before i make sumthin of my Life.


Wrote these just now ... watcha think ?

[DƎRDYPK]

you could improve
& you could be better if you put more time in
you'd be really really better if the BasedGod influenced you
pretty good for a 1st time drop in CW

inb4Chambers tells you you need a link of feedback

[Raids-God]

lol thank you ... ill write some propa 1ns tommorow were i put some time in ....

# INTERNET SOILDERS

[Fa-Q]

First off, feed someone else and link...

Secondly, you need to properly use English like don't capitalize random words; only first words of each lines and other capitalizing rules.

You need multis and better delivery of punchlines. If you get the punchlines and peopple reading don't then it doesn't matter.

Pretty good first drop though

[Raids-God]

First off, feed someone else and link...

Secondly, you need to properly use English like don't capitalize random words; only first words of each lines and other capitalizing rules.

You need multis and better delivery of punchlines. If you get the punchlines and peopple reading don't then it doesn't matter.

Pretty good first drop though

thanks but what those "feed someone else and link" mean ?
and ill write sum better 1ns tommorow off the advice..

[Fa-Q]

It means other people have dropped so give them some feedback...then show the link of the feedback in your post

[Mr. Chambers]

cmon guy......link of feedback...

[Raids-God]

Oh yh ill do it later on .. i gotta go soon, but it will be nice and edited