Fa-Q - Miss Blue Eyes (Bre's Song Revised)

[Fa-Q]

Feed - viewtopic.php?f=24&t=100889

A while back, maybe a year or so...I wrote these songs for a girl I thought I was in love with named Bre. She was beautiful, but I found her songs I wrote for her and they were writing patterns of my old ways. So I rewrote them but still maintained the same message...so here is one and there will most likely be more to come.


Miss Blue Eyes, with blue eyes ever so gorgeous,
With Blue Eyes, that say you will never afford us,
A smirk a grin, behind red lips, her slow smile sits,
Does she sense her beauty, in all those profile pics,
Is she aware of all the songs, that I’ll soon write,
If only the stars above could spare the moonlight,
As I fly in space, I’ll try and face, as I lie in waste,
Knowing beauty makes Venus and Mars begin war,
Eyes so brilliant, I wonder if the stars see anymore,
Would she comet, I would ever try and write bars,
On the traces of nebulas, and just the bright stars,
And as I sketch out the universe, soon light scars,
Form, and my poems all float away with no form,
But somehow I know my cold heart will grow warm,
Even as I traverse through this growing snow storm,
I’ll travel until I hear that slow song, she sings mine,
Travel until I my eyes grow strong, her wings shine,

I write of her, ‘til my ink is gone, ‘til my lead is dull,
She is my ecstasy, I feel nothing short of incredible,
Her aroma makes her Jezebel, I hope her sin is edible,
I clear my mind of her, but my once again head is full,
Of the thought that even her imperfections are perfect,
Around her, my mind fumbles phrases, my words get,
Jumbled, and even if I just have to stare at her profile,
If I say a thousand jokes, all I want is her slow smile,
Breeze a bee with a stinger, and she stings awfully,
How I earn her love, I look in her eyes and sing softly,
What if I write a serious song with a corny chorus, Bre,
What if I write yours and mine names in a forest tree,
I’m angry when you wear glasses, each lens hides eyes,
Each pupil emulates the purest ocean, then tides rise,
What if I told you, that when I look in your blue eyes,
I see only my reflection, and then the clearest two skies,

She can easily turn lines to pages, imprison mind in cages,
She turns a cold night to day, her smile brings it right away,
I want to tell her something, that for a kiss on the cheek,
That when she’s gone, not only am I missin’ her speak,
I find, I’d climb the tallest mountains, ‘til the tips of peaks,
‘Til my grip is weak, repeat your name ‘til my lip is weak,
I would hold her with my hands, fingers givin’ her ten tips,
But reserve one finger to quietly calm her quiverin’ lips,
Her whole body shakes, I feel against me, her shiverin’ hips,
I’ll hold this cold angel, through winter until springtime,
I’ll do it, just so I can see those beautiful angel wings shine,
Then, without saying a note, she has a song and sings mine,
And it mimic’s even the most beautiful morning birdie’s song,
If I said I’m leaving you, well you must have heard me wrong,
I’ll hold her until morning, and if we never ever see dawn,
At least I’ll know, that I’ll have her forever and beyond,

[B.A.D.]

man, youre a fucking genious. I love it

[Fa-Q]

Thanks a lot Big Ax

[Fa-Q]

Bump...

[Just Silver]

good shit here
I myself wouldn't write to a girl just because the initial judgement

[ChristinaE12]

Not that it probably really means much coming from me at this point, but....I'll comment anyways.

I like how you have multi's throughout but still get a point across and can do great storytelling at the same time. Most can't do this and can only do one or the other successfully. To me, you've got it all done well here.



I do have a question though... Is this girl from 'online' or you knew in person? Just wondering. Regardless, being in love is amazing and can do strange things to ya huh...

[Fa-Q]

Thank you JusSilv and Christina. And Christina, I knew her personally, lol, she went to my high school, and she was honestly the most beautiful thing on this earth on the outside. But on the inside, she had a pretty cold heart because of a dark past. She told me this and we were never anything

[Fa-Q]

Not that it probably really means much coming from me at this point, but....I'll comment anyways.

By the way I always want someone to tell me what they think. Why wouldnt it matter if it was coming from you?

[ChristinaE12]

I don't know really. Cause I'm a newcomer and not known well enough yet. And well, honestly, that tends to cloud some people's judgement and thoughts most the time.

Oh..and about the girl. Sorry, I wasn't sure if you actually knew this girl in real life or not. Especially when you said 'profile pics' and then again 'stare at her profile'. Which of course profile could mean a couple different things. So I wasn't too sure and it got me interested. Heh.

[Fa-Q]

haha yeah those two things could be misconstrued. I mostly said that because they rhymed well...and shit you knew what Multies were so I respect your opinion more than most

[classthe_king]

I feel like you let the rhyming and technical parts of rap take control of your verse instead of just letting your heart write for you. I don't write my lyrical raps the same way I do my emotional. Sometimes you have to put all the technical parts aside and say what you feel, not everything has to be perfect.

[Fa-Q]

I know what you mean, Class and thanks...but I just cant not do multis....I apologize to all my english teachers since 5th grade

[classthe_king]

I know what you mean, Class and thanks...but I just cant not do multis....I apologize to all my english teachers since 5th grade

It's not that...you can still use multis. I use multis in everything, just be more creative and say things because you want to say them, not cause they rhyme.

[Fa-Q]

Good advice sentus....thanks

[iluveminem]

Awwww! That's cute! I wish a boy would write a song about me....