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Shaking Off The Rust

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Shaking Off The Rust

Postby Fa-Q » Nov 23rd, '10, 04:33

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=101479

Narcissist, with a sex drive so good, my car is pissed,
Looking for sluts, bitch, or a kind of skank or whore,
That I can try and tongue more than my canker sore,
Plus I spank’er more, than most Republican parents,
My dick wiggles, I get mixed signals, her breast sends,
She won’t let me cum between them like best friends,
I sweat her with buttons down, that’s my cardigan,
Moses staff had her Red Sea and virgin blood part again,
I strip search any girl, with a fist full of just picky ones,
Then leave her asshole like she’s shitting sticky buns,
I’m gonna fuck your girl’s throat, a notso painless deal,
Split her in half, is her frame made with stainless steel,
I have brainless zeal, I’m a cartoon character nameless seal,
And I never drop A-bombs, I only drop these F-Bombs,
And sell my double disc to kids that have deaf moms,
It was inevitable, like how MTV teaches the bitch word,
“Billy, your mom sucks more dick than 5 leaches on Richard,”
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Re: Shaking Off The Rust

Postby Willy » Nov 23rd, '10, 09:18

I liked it :y:
the only line that stuck out was republican parents as not flowing as well as the others,
but otherwise
good
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Re: Shaking Off The Rust

Postby Spyder » Nov 23rd, '10, 17:50

Narcissist, with a sex drive so good, my car is pissed,

I’m gonna fuck your girl’s throat, a notso painless deal,
Split her in half, is her frame made with stainless steel,
I have brainless zeal, I’m a cartoon character nameless seal,


didnt rhyme in couplets so threw off the flow for me, i had to re-read in order to pick it up.
wordplay was alright on some good on others weak on few.
all sex-puns so topic matter was ehh for me. idk how long its been sense uve wrote
but i can tell your rusty. so once you get back into should be dope to see some of the people
i love to read from
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Re: Shaking Off The Rust

Postby Fa-Q » Nov 23rd, '10, 19:01

thanks Wily Moo and yes Spyder, that was the point of this....Ive been in a concept writer's block....I can write, just not aim it towards any pieces...so this was me trying to get back in the swing of things...thanks for the feed you two
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Re: Shaking Off The Rust

Postby Sir_Machete' » Nov 25th, '10, 10:54

And I never drop A-bombs, I only drop these F-Bombs,
And sell my double disc to kids that have deaf moms,
It was inevitable, like how MTV teaches the bitch word,
“Billy, your mom sucks more dick than 5 leaches on Richard,”

lmao comedy but good shit :y:



I give you propz man you mixed ya rhyme scheme up throughout your verse which wasn't bad, multies weren't bad neither. Real Decent for shaking off the rust
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