Perceptions (left-over verse)

[MikeNUFC]

I was gunna do a collab with Innovation with the concept of a story with one verse from a mugger's perspective and one from the victim, but we decided against it and do something else instead

Anyway here's my verse from that original plan (title makes no sense, fuck it)

Left the pub to go home, 'bout quarter to twelve
Was a mild night so I saunter as well
My brain - or the liquor - says "Go through the park
It's five minutes quicker, who cares if it's dark"
I might make it home for midnight - the end of Match Of The Day
So I take my phone for a light - fuck a match to lead the way!
I stroll into the park, feel slightly lightheaded
Must be the beer lark, well, right's where I'm leaded
By the lane in the park, think I hear a noise
Must be birds in the dark. I hear words - some boys?
There's a statue to my right, swings to my left
Hear footsteps, look forward, some-thing hits my chest
I fall backwards as the metal is removed from my body
A tall fat lad's there, grabs at my phone and my money
He takes them, runs off, no second small glance, just his knife
I hate him, lungs cough, he's wrecking my chance, of a life
I don't get the cycle - a life for a phone?
I think about my kids and wife back at home
I think "This is madness, it's crazy, it's wack"
Then I feel tired... mind goes hazy... then black.

Link To Feedback

[classthe_king]

That was great man, I really liked it. Would have been really interesting to see his point of view. The Five Star Generals did something like this once.

[Slim's Shady]

This is some Nas-like storytelling shit. You had very vivid imagery throughout all of it. I was gonna something like this with Innovation too but I don't know if he's done with his verse.

Good shit Mike

[Audi]

Flow was on point. I really like your description. Keep working.

[MikeNUFC]

Cheers for the feedback.

Yeah I was desperatley tryna fit a rhyme in there that it just sounds stupid. If Innovation does a verse for this so it's a whole piece I might take that bit out. As you say, it's needless.

[Block]

Nice storytelling, bro. I enjoyed reading this. And yeah, I agree with Amadeo that storytelling is a lot harder than most would make it out to be. Not only do you have to rhyme, but you have to be sequential and keep things accurate without throwing in scattered thoughts.

I really liked this whole part here:

Hear footsteps, look forward, some-thing hits my chest
I fall backwards as the metal is removed from my body
A tall fat lad's there, grabs at my phone and my money
He takes them, runs off, no second small glance, just his knife
I hate him, lungs cough, he's wrecking my chance, of a life
I don't get the cycle - a life for a phone?
I think about my kids and wife back at home
I think "This is madness, it's crazy, it's wack"
Then I feel tired... mind goes hazy... then black.

It would have been cool as hell to see the mugger's POV. If you, or anyone, wants to do a piece like that with a collab, hit me up.

[MikeNUFC]

Cheers for the feed k block.

I think Innovation is gunna do a verse for this now so if he does I'll edit in it.

[ShaBruv]

Awesome, vivid story telling and it seemed to flow well

the only thing is the "some boys?" multi seemed a little forced
but thats the only thing

Great work- keep it up


Also you have great taste in N64 games

[MikeNUFC]

Thanks a lot ShaBruv - appreciate it.

And yeah, cant beat Mario 64, Goldeneye, Ocarina Of Time, Banjo Kazooie and Diddy Kong Racing