Another whatever * I suck at titles*

[ChristinaE12]

Just another rap.. of me trying new things.. As usual. It's all new to me anyhow. It's got a weird flow and pauses in a few certain spots. This is also very unfinished and I definitely rushed the last half of this. You can probably tell. Used some slang and probably an accent (mine) to you, so most of it rhymes. A bit of slant rhyming as well. Hopefully you can grasp those parts of it though.

Oh...and all feedback is welcomed. Preferably constructive criticism too. Don't be afraid to say negative shit. You wont hurt my feelings, I promise.


Take another Vicodin, to rid this fuckin' migraine.
Wake smothered, spite within, gettin' pissed, boiling blood's bubbling in my veins
Ache covered, psyched again, sittin' and floodin' in high pain
Mistakes hovers and slightly pinned me, lately been feelin' so pryed n' drained
My veins are the wick and blood is like mace,
my faint heart's the brick that'll tick til i burst, kick up mud and strike ya face
all i need to click is the green light to ignite. Disperse
like a stick of dynamite, once it's lit your outright cursed.
Line of sight - of mine, you always shine in, head polite-ly first.
Move at the speed of ultraviolet light, you can't see - you'll never earn a win
I'll haul by ya quick, like you stalled sittin at a red traffic light that never turns again
On the Mic I maul, try ta mimic alike, I'm too raw - spittin venom to sever 'n burn limbs
Too clever, stern, 'n grim. If you thinkin' bout it, rule of thumb is, I'm already sittin,
and been done. 'Wit it'. Have been a fool and dumb. Steady sinnin
and in some, shit cause of it. Not cool to succumb. So now my skull's splittin'
and been numb. So I spun til I spinned out. Spit this rap til all emittin' phlegm comes splittin' out.



Thanks.


Link of FB: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=101076&p=1391579#p1391579

[Just Silver]

Very unique not many female writers

Its not bad but the flow is hard to understand

Choice of words are a bit underground cliche but good
Overall i liked it

[Audi]

Not good at all. You need to shorten your lines, set your structure up better, and use larger rhymes. Keep it up, weird subject matter for a woman, try not to end up like Ms.Roq. Keep working.

[Fa-Q]

Nice drop, Christi, like the rest of the guys that fed I suggest you shorten your lines. You really dont have to change anything, just break up were you rhyme. Good vocabulary and range of word usage....you should drop more, darling

[classthe_king]

Shorten your lines a lot. Try writing to a beat, it will help.

[ChristinaE12]

Thanks guys.

Yeah, I'm aware the longer lines seem to be an issue when being read on here.

@ Audi - I am confused on how you just think there are only end rhymes? As far as subject matter, what part exactly? Yeah it may be different, but I don't necessarily see that as being a bad thing. If you mean like the Vicodin part. Well that's true. I take them for daily chronic headaches/migraines. So I assure you, every thing like that I say, is true. And to me, long as I speak the truth, be honest and just be me, then there should never be a problem on that aspect of it.

And honestly, I want to be different. I don't want to be your typical female. Cause in real life, I'm far from it too. LOL. So yeah.

Thanks, it's appreciated.

[Atone]

this is pretty dope, love the multies and the whatchu call it when a full setance can rhyme with the next sentace