My Time (Huey Newton)

[WakeUpShow]

Instrumental: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4WYfD4q5hw
Feedback: http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=103510&p=1429763#p1429763


Make sure the Mic is on, and i'll rip this horn beat
People talk, and it's always nasty like corn beef.
Ignoring only lasts so long, and I'll admit, it gets to me
This game's unfair, God didn't show up to referee.
Engaged to the Game, but unnoticed, the best-to-be.
They say If you love something, then set them free
But I'm obsessed with rap, I can't let her be
A force of change to turn all their back talk nice
I'm gonna take you out the game, like you balked twice.

[WakeUpShow]

Bump?.

[ShaBruv]

Decent good rhymes again, loved the referee metaphor, worked on a few levels
and again the uneven number of rhymes5 (best to be, referee, gets to me, set them free, let her be) makes the "talk nice" line sound as if it doesn't flow as well as it probably should

[Just Silver]

For using an instrumental its a little short IMO

love that wiz is finally gettin some love here

And i like corned beef
overall some nice shit

[WakeUpShow]

For using an instrumental its a little short IMO

love that wiz is finally gettin some love here

And i like corned beef
overall some nice shit

hahaha thanks for the feedback.

[WakeUpShow]

Decent good rhymes again, loved the referee metaphor, worked on a few levels
and again the uneven number of rhymes5 (best to be, referee, gets to me, set them free, let her be) makes the "talk nice" line sound as if it doesn't flow as well as it probably should

yeah i felt like I should have cut off after let her be, but i really wanted to use the balked twice line.

[mcZu]

Agree with ShaBruv, the last two lines don't flow text-wise. You should have a transition rhyme in the beginning of the 8th line. But, the again, that would only be good if you had more bars, you stopped after 9, so it would be better if you used the same rhyme scheme through out. Wordplay was pretty corny (no pun intended), but it's not bad. Multies are OK. Keep on writing, bro.

[WakeUpShow]

Agree with ShaBruv, the last two lines don't flow text-wise. You should have a transition rhyme in the beginning of the 8th line. But, the again, that would only be good if you had more bars, you stopped after 9, so it would be better if you used the same rhyme scheme through out. Wordplay was pretty corny (no pun intended), but it's not bad. Multies are OK. Keep on writing, bro.

thanks man, again i appreciate it

[Solace]

Wordplay was pretty corny (no pun intended),

Lmao, word.

I'm not going to say this was good, because it wasn't. You have the potential, just maybe take some time off of trying to write brag-tracks and write some really what's on your mind stuff. It's easier, and gives you a versatility over other writers I guess. Though I'm not saying you shouldn't do this. Multies have a long way to go but it's manageable. The piece would've flowed better without the 7th line. And maybe not try too hard and say shit that's easily understandable. Like, right off the bat, no one ever uses the term "horn beat" lol. Keep at it though CoSh

[WakeUpShow]

Wordplay was pretty corny (no pun intended),

Lmao, word.

I'm not going to say this was good, because it wasn't. You have the potential, just maybe take some time off of trying to write brag-tracks and write some really what's on your mind stuff. It's easier, and gives you a versatility over other writers I guess. Though I'm not saying you shouldn't do this. Multies have a long way to go but it's manageable. The piece would've flowed better without the 7th line. And maybe not try too hard and say shit that's easily understandable. Like, right off the bat, no one ever uses the term "horn beat" lol. Keep at it though CoSh

thanks for the feedback. I did make a track writing whats on my mind (fight to the finish). And the horn beat was literally because of the horn beat lol.