Gorgeous

[WakeUpShow]

Feedback: http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=103606p=1430214#p1430214
Instrumental: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdZ3aRNTpg4

My Hollow Tip has a Hollow Leg, I feed it more Rounds.
I'm Clutch enough to give the rock to on fourth down.
What a Shame, The most popular rapper in your town.
My Back says Write, Rehearse, Spit, Repeat.
Get outta the booth, If you can't handle the heat.
Don't come to my battles if you're a sickly stomached vegetarian.
Your rep. is fishy, and my flow spills on you like a ruptured aquarium.
I'm Rick Ross in a Battle, it's Rappers I eat.
Use Bones as a toothpick, after I finish the meat.

[WakeUpShow]

bump....

[DƎRDYPK]

haha it's nice Cosh
my advice for you would just be write as much as you can bruv
I see you dropped some other pieces so I'll keep an eye open but
keeps at it...

[WakeUpShow]

haha it's nice Cosh
my advice for you would just be write as much as you can bruv
I see you dropped some other pieces so I'll keep an eye open but
keeps at it...

thanks man I have an obsessive personality lol so it's almost a given that i'll keep writing lol

[Enimee]

shit goes hard bro, i like the aquarium line, ur flow was on point and u had some decent punchlines in there too, over all a solid drop man good shit

[WakeUpShow]

shit goes hard bro, i like the aquarium line, ur flow was on point and u had some decent punchlines in there too, over all a solid drop man good shit

thanks man!

[classthe_king]

My Hollow Tip has a Hollow Leg, I feed it more Rounds.
I'm Clutch enough to give the rock to on fourth down.
What a Shame, The most popular rapper in your town.

Alright first, never make a rhyme scheme an odd number of lines. You always want you line to rhyme with what's before it so that it sounds better. What comes on the fourth line doesn't rhyme with the third so that throw every thing off.

Don't come to my battles if you're a sickly stomached vegetarian.
Your rep. is fishy, and my flow spills on you like a ruptured aquarium.

These two lines didn't flow at all, the second line had way too many syllables.

I'm Rick Ross in a Battle, it's Rappers I eat.
Use Bones as a toothpick, after I finish the meat.

And it's not that hard to use multi's, multi's always makes things better lol. I thought of this in like 10 secondss

I'm Rick Ross in a Battle; in only minutes I eat
Use bones as a toothpick after I finish the meat

[WakeUpShow]

My Hollow Tip has a Hollow Leg, I feed it more Rounds.
I'm Clutch enough to give the rock to on fourth down.
What a Shame, The most popular rapper in your town.

Alright first, never make a rhyme scheme an odd number of lines. You always want you line to rhyme with what's before it so that it sounds better. What comes on the fourth line doesn't rhyme with the third so that throw every thing off.

Don't come to my battles if you're a sickly stomached vegetarian.
Your rep. is fishy, and my flow spills on you like a ruptured aquarium.

These two lines didn't flow at all, the second line had way too many syllables.

I'm Rick Ross in a Battle, it's Rappers I eat.
Use Bones as a toothpick, after I finish the meat.

And it's not that hard to use multi's, multi's always makes things better lol. I thought of this in like 10 secondss

I'm Rick Ross in a Battle; in only minutes I eat
Use bones as a toothpick after I finish the meat

thanks, i'll works on it. as for the first critique, i rhymed more rounds, fourth down, and your town. You don't think they rhyme?

[classthe_king]

Yeah but there was three lines, you have to make it 4 lol

[WakeUpShow]

Yeah but there was three lines, you have to make it 4 lol

oh ok i thought you meant syllables.