I know it sounds corny, but when we get together with friends we just battle eachother sometimes, so I don't care if it's corny around my friends. The lines goes
"It don't matter if bitches move they hands to ya dance songs
'Cuz your fuckin' writing don't mean shit like pen marks on a scantron."
Yeah, pretty corny. Anyway, this is the FIRST time I've ever attempted to write a punchline/metaphor, I usually shy away from them.
Thoughts?
You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap battle
20 posts
• Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap battle
by RainMan44 » Jan 7th, '11, 00:50
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
-
RainMan44 - Soldier
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Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by classthe_king » Jan 7th, '11, 00:55
Not bad
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
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Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by RainMan44 » Jan 7th, '11, 01:02
classthe_king wrote:Not bad
Really?
I thought it was kinda shitty, but thanks
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
-
RainMan44 - Soldier
- Posts: 1093
- Joined: Nov 21st, '10, 08:51
- Location: CA
- Gender: Male
Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by murphmanny » Jan 7th, '11, 01:04
sounds better without the swearing (y)
"Talk is cheap, motherfucker if you're really feeling froggish, leap."
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Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by mdemaz » Jan 7th, '11, 01:04
Took me a google search to get it...But it was cool.
s/o to Eedee Python CP Horse Snake Pain SaJn Silver Cement Excitaz PK Rolly GW EG Charlotte Kasia Mel Wiz Solace TRex SliK Aone Atone Trimss Menzo Geno Fish Jaba Detroit Blogs Based lil_b IBR DA! Mono ROM NRG Bigray Hesky Francesco Yoda Noddy Raul
Just Silver wrote:I think every guy should massage their prostate at least once
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Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by RainMan44 » Jan 7th, '11, 01:06
mdemaz wrote:Took me a google search to get it...But it was cool.
Haha thanks!
Just wondering, did you search up what a scantron was?
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
-
RainMan44 - Soldier
- Posts: 1093
- Joined: Nov 21st, '10, 08:51
- Location: CA
- Gender: Male
Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by RainMan44 » Jan 7th, '11, 01:06
murphmanny wrote:sounds better without the swearing (y)
Yeah, just noticed that myself lmao
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
-
RainMan44 - Soldier
- Posts: 1093
- Joined: Nov 21st, '10, 08:51
- Location: CA
- Gender: Male
Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by murphmanny » Jan 7th, '11, 01:07
RainMan44 wrote:murphmanny wrote:sounds better without the swearing (y)
Yeah, just noticed that myself lmao
just the f word
"Talk is cheap, motherfucker if you're really feeling froggish, leap."
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murphmanny - Soldier
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Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by RainMan44 » Jan 7th, '11, 01:09
murphmanny wrote:RainMan44 wrote:murphmanny wrote:sounds better without the swearing (y)
Yeah, just noticed that myself lmao
just the f word
Yep, it makes it flow better, too.
Thanks
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
-
RainMan44 - Soldier
- Posts: 1093
- Joined: Nov 21st, '10, 08:51
- Location: CA
- Gender: Male
Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by mdemaz » Jan 7th, '11, 01:32
RainMan44 wrote:mdemaz wrote:Took me a google search to get it...But it was cool.
Haha thanks!
Just wondering, did you search up what a scantron was?
s/o to Eedee Python CP Horse Snake Pain SaJn Silver Cement Excitaz PK Rolly GW EG Charlotte Kasia Mel Wiz Solace TRex SliK Aone Atone Trimss Menzo Geno Fish Jaba Detroit Blogs Based lil_b IBR DA! Mono ROM NRG Bigray Hesky Francesco Yoda Noddy Raul
Just Silver wrote:I think every guy should massage their prostate at least once
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mdemaz - Addict
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Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by RainMan44 » Jan 7th, '11, 01:55
mdemaz wrote:RainMan44 wrote:mdemaz wrote:Took me a google search to get it...But it was cool.
Haha thanks!
Just wondering, did you search up what a scantron was?
Lmfao
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
-
RainMan44 - Soldier
- Posts: 1093
- Joined: Nov 21st, '10, 08:51
- Location: CA
- Gender: Male
Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by classthe_king » Jan 7th, '11, 02:30
It's nothing jaw dropping but it'll make people laugh with you, not at you.
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
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classthe_king - Addict
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Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by RainMan44 » Jan 7th, '11, 02:41
classthe_king wrote:It's nothing jaw dropping but it'll make people laugh with you, not at you.
And that is pretty much what I need.
Thanks guys
"This dude doing this interview wants me to spin a few,
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
Lyrics while I tie my tennis shoes in the nude
A romantic interlude in a livin’ room,
In an inner tube with a dude with a bit of lube
Fuck that I’m sniffin’ glue, sippin' gin & juice,
And a little bit of paint thinner with my dinner too,
You better pay me for my bars like your rent is due,
Now hurry up and finish dude before I finish you."
GOAT
-
RainMan44 - Soldier
- Posts: 1093
- Joined: Nov 21st, '10, 08:51
- Location: CA
- Gender: Male
Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by Spaceboundsupenova » Feb 17th, '11, 21:39
RainMan44 wrote:I know it sounds corny, but when we get together with friends we just battle eachother sometimes, so I don't care if it's corny around my friends. The lines goes
"It don't matter if bitches move they hands to ya dance songs
'Cuz your fuckin' writing don't mean shit like pen marks on a scantron."
Yeah, pretty corny. Anyway, this is the FIRST time I've ever attempted to write a punchline/metaphor, I usually shy away from them.
Thoughts?
Change it to
"Don't matter if you move your hands when dance is on
Cause your writing doesn't mean shit, like pen marks on a scantron"
Peace out, peace out like a runaway slave!
- Spaceboundsupenova
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Re: You think this line would get "OOHS" & "AHS" in a rap ba
by VenomBlackViper » Feb 18th, '11, 22:51
Take out the unnecessary "fucking" and it's a good punchline
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VenomBlackViper - Band Leader
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