The Stranger

by **WakeUpShow** » Dec 31st, '10, 18:15

http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic. ... 4&t=105202

and for those who didn't get it: the hobo is Jesus

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 1st, '11, 19:55

bump..

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 1st, '11, 21:50

Lello18 wrote:DAMNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!1

This was amazing bro!!! flowed perfectly, and even if the didn't, the concept covers for everything it's amazing!!

Just then, I looked to see a gust had blew open my bible
This is what the page read, which blew open see
"What you do for the least of your brothers, you do unto me"

This Part made it 10 times even better

thanks so much man. i can't explain how much positive feedback means. happy new year :b:

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 3rd, '11, 04:45

god...bump. can someone feed this shit, i put alot of work into it.

by **gutawafang** » Jan 3rd, '11, 04:47

I like point of view kind of verses. Dope. :y:

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 3rd, '11, 05:19

gutawafang wrote:I like point of view kind of verses. Dope.

thanks man :y:

by **Ka0t1c** » Jan 3rd, '11, 22:20

wowowowowowowoww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ummm....... more please?!!!! :worship:

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 3rd, '11, 23:57

Ka0t1c wrote:wowowowowowowoww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ummm....... more please?!!!!

hahaha thanks man!

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 4th, '11, 21:09

bump..

by **classthe_king** » Jan 6th, '11, 20:47

That was pretty good. You had some alright multis even though the syllable count was off at times. Story had a great idea. You probably shouldn't have put that at the end though, it's better to let people figure it out for themselves. Ending was a good idea but it was kind of weak excecution. You need to build up to it more so that it really hits the reader when you drop the twist.

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 6th, '11, 23:45

classthe_king wrote:That was pretty good. You had some alright multis even though the syllable count was off at times. Story had a great idea. You probably shouldn't have put that at the end though, it's better to let people figure it out for themselves. Ending was a good idea but it was kind of weak excecution. You need to build up to it more so that it really hits the reader when you drop the twist.

thanks alot man :y:

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 8th, '11, 20:05

Amadeo wrote:Your writing has improved a shit load in the short time since I read your last piece.

This had a concept (bonus points)... it had some nice rhyming: open the Bible/hope for survival

The first two lines were excellent.

The only thing I don't really like about it is the flow. It's all over the place. You should structure your bars more so the syllable count is roughly the same.

thanks man! :y:

i'll work on the flow

by **ShaBruv** » Jan 9th, '11, 02:15

Again you're improving loads and i agree wirth Amadeo about the flow, but that'll come

Keep up the good work :b:

by **WakeUpShow** » Jan 9th, '11, 05:23

thanks

by **WakeUpShow** » Apr 10th, '11, 04:33

i know this is a big-ass bump, but I'm interested as to what newer writers on here might think

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