Prejudice

[MikeNUFC]

Link of feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=107384&p=1505646#p1505646

I hear one part of you speak and judge just based on that
Refuse to listen to positives, refuse to face the facts
I tell all my friends of your dark side and how you suck too
But when they say “Nah he’s cool” I tell them "Fuck you"
I know nothing about you, but have such a strong view
I know not of your culture, but yet I know you’re wrong too?
I’m racist and classist, but I don’t even know this myself
I might be a bastard but I mask it, “don’t show me your wealth
when you’re on the TV”… so I sit, vent and get mad
Put my fingers in my ears, as each sick sentence goes past
I’m deaf when you're great but hear fine when you're shit
Ignore your positive message; rather see you mime to shoot clips
Silence is bliss, so they say… feel that as you shut up at last
Then listen to my best friend... say the same shit that just passed
But I praise the fuck out of him... because he looks more like me
Seems easier to stay locked up in one place, than it is to be set free

[mcZu]

First of all, awesome topic.

That said, I felt like you did great on actually conveying the message, that was properly embedded in your verse. However, I felt like it lacked in terms of vocabulary. I couldn't find the flow either, usually I don't comment on flows since I don't how you're gonna flow it to a beat, but sometimes you can tell by the structure if the flow is ok or not. And sentences that are eqaully aligned usually don't flow that good. Again, that's just something from my own experience, it might be that your flow is good.

Rhyme scheme was fairly simple, but, that isn't a biggie. I'm not the type of guy to go on a rampage because you didn't have enough multies.

So, the only real complaint I have is your use of words. I'm just nitpicking, but I really do believe that, with the proper usage of words, a piece can be so much better. Especially in something like poetry.

And I know you've got a great vocabulary, judging on your posts, so it wouldn't be a problem for you, I guess...

But, good verse, man. Nice way of putting yourself in that perspective, unless those are actually your shoes you were standing in, lol.

[MikeNUFC]

Thanks a lot for the detailed feed, appreciate it

That said, I felt like you did great on actually conveying the message, that was properly embedded in your verse. However, I felt like it lacked in terms of vocabulary.

It's definitely the main thing I lack. I guess I haven't written enough, but I agree I need to experiment with/develop the language more in my pieces

And that's not nitpicking lol, I find word choice and vocabulary hugely important when I listen to hip-hop, especially hitting between 'too basic' and 'too complex'. I'm way too far at the former right now.

I couldn't find the flow either, usually I don't comment on flows since I don't how you're gonna flow it to a beat, but sometimes you can tell by the structure if the flow is ok or not. Ans sentences that are eqaully aligned usually don't flow that good. Again, that's just something from my own experience, it might be that your flow is good.

Flow was fine for me, but I used pauses where the ...'s are so I guess it would be harder to pick up for others. I can honestly flow this fast or slow fine, but I it's not exactly the smoothest flow going lol

unless those are actually your shoes you were standing in, lol.

Haha definitely not.

[Block]

The storytelling was great. Awesome message, man.

I love the line about def when you're great. I've been looking for a way to articulate that but you beat me to it. Good stuff. Good stuff.

Overall, there were some great lines, which, as zu said, could have been accentuated with a broader vocab... But this was good.

[MikeNUFC]

Cheers k block, much appreciated

Definitely gunna be working on my vocab.