New verse JUST wrote it..feedback is appreciated

[RainMan44]

Link of feedback viewtopic.php?f=24&t=107969&p=1519993#p1519993




It doesn't matter if what you say is ill
'Cause nowadays in rap, you don't get paid for skill
And it's funny how these cats went from tryna lean back
To bein' big sneaker wearing, skinny jeaned fags
Now we got rappers with they jeans huggin' they legs
Mean muggin' pretend-in' to be tough fiends thuggin' till death
And I just laugh at the very sight of these fake thugs
Who only rap about how they rape sluts and take drugs
Who probably just recently copped a 'Pac CD
Now all they do is walk 'round, braggin' about poppin' E
Stop it please!!! You little faggot ass hip hop clowns
I'm here to make sure that this shit stops now!
And if it backfires, and I'm the one gettin' laughed at
Atleast I gave you a little flashback
Of how it was for hip hop in the olden days
Boombox, Kangol hats, Adidas kicks, and the golden chains

[Master Chief]

For the most part the multis are good. The only forced one was the mean muggin' pretend(in)/jeans huggin' they legs rhyme. If executed better it would be a really good rhyme though.

I see you kinda got your rhyming locked down, all you need is to not force a rhyme. My favorite part were the last two lines, it painted a picture in my mind about the old days. Oh and I'm not sure if "olden" is a word lol but still a cool pair of lines.

Good shit

[RainMan44]

For the most part the multis are good. The only forced one was the mean muggin' pretend(in)/jeans huggin' they legs rhyme. If executed better it would be a really good rhyme though.

I see you kinda got your rhyming locked down, all you need is to not force a rhyme. My favorite part were the last two lines, it painted a picture in my mind about the old days. Oh and I'm not sure if "olden" is a word lol but still a cool pair of lines.

Good shit

Thanks a lot for the feedback, I really appreciate it
And I'm going to try and fix that part up a little, if I do, I'll be sure to post it


Oh and I think if I change the last lines to "old days/gold chains" it will work even better.

[Just Silver]

Real nice shit guy

multis were there even bolded
a lil short though

the first few lines are very much like Cassidy's subjects to me (delivery was much different)
the whole subject of skinny jeans and being ill doesnt sell records its who you know

[Master Chief]

For the most part the multis are good. The only forced one was the mean muggin' pretend(in)/jeans huggin' they legs rhyme. If executed better it would be a really good rhyme though.

I see you kinda got your rhyming locked down, all you need is to not force a rhyme. My favorite part were the last two lines, it painted a picture in my mind about the old days. Oh and I'm not sure if "olden" is a word lol but still a cool pair of lines.

Good shit

Thanks a lot for the feedback, I really appreciate it
And I'm going to try and fix that part up a little, if I do, I'll be sure to post it


Oh and I think if I change the last lines to "old days/gold chains" it will work even better.

Yeah, old days/gold chains is a lot better , post the improved verse when you're done, I'll make sure to feed it

Oh and if you have time please feed my lonely little Topless verse

[RainMan44]

Real nice shit guy

multis were there even bolded
a lil short though

the first few lines are very much like Cassidy's subjects to me (delivery was much different)
the whole subject of skinny jeans and being ill doesnt sell records its who you know

Thanks alot man