can i get some feed back /tips on this?

[BigBoss]

I just wrote this in past 30 mins cause I just found out that all my relationships have cheated on me with close friends, I got fam issues, just everythin goin to hell so I wrote somethin...feedback /tips would be helpful..its not done yet btw...I literally JUST wrote this

Scratch everythin I'm just demented, I just want some fuckin vengeance, got the fuckin dyke pregnant, maybe this is a cry out for attention, try understandin this with a comprehensive, understandin damn the heat I'm in is to much to not be sweat - tin because I'm just a little..

Demented , so fuckin angry gimme anybody I'll be-headem, just a tad fuckin wretch-ed

See I wouldn't be in this mood if people wouldn't say shit, makin me 2nd guess our god damn friend ship, makin me think why the fuck I trust-ted, them, spittem out like flem dunno if the know but I'm really insensitive, like at&t, me, and life got bad reception because..

Demented , so fuckin angry gimme anybody I'll be-headem, just a tad fuckin wretch-edb

[Static]

Man, I've been through almost the exact same thing. My girlfriend (who is the only girl I've really fallen in love with) cheated on me, with my best friend at the time. So I can definitly relate!

First of all, you should set it up more like this:

See I wouldn't be in this mood if people wouldn't say shit
Makin me 2nd guess our god damn friend ship
Makin me think why the fuck I trust-ted
Them, spittem out like flem
Dunno if the know but I'm really insensitive
Like at&t, me, and life got bad reception because..

Anyways, I really like it! But you should probably try to rhyme more syllables (not that it's that important in an emotional song IMO, but it just makes you seem much better, and it sounds better). And I couldn't really get the flow going through all of it, but that might just be me. And I don't have any beat to go after either.

Oh, and also, you did the same mistake as I did when I posted here last time. You'll need to have a link of feedback (give feedback to someone else, and put the link to that post in this thread), or else the mods will close it. So yeah, you should probably go do that.