Greetings From Hell

[VenomBlackViper]

They say my brain is fucked, shit I ain't even got my nerves right
I'll drown you in a tub full of burnt ice
Only reason for god to like me is cuz I bash faggots & hurt dykes
At the turnpike, running over cars in a dirt bike
Fuck love, gimme sex at first sight
Not running rampant i'm running rancid
Stabbing serial killers & mugging bandits
Shove a radioactive spider up your ass & see if the bugging transmits
So spaced out from guzzling acid that i'm juggling planets
The minute you see me you'll be pleading for help
I'll whip you with a fucking meteor belt
Deep fry you and force you to start eating yourself
Greetings from hell, my body temperature causes heating to melt

feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=109582

P.S. i'm considering getting rid of that bugging transmits line because its too long & kinda ruins the flow, should I get rid of it, change it to something or keep it?

[classthe_king]

I don't really like the bugging transmits line but you're really fucking good

Are you writing these to beats?

[VenomBlackViper]

Yeah that line is too long plus the whole "shoving things up your ass" is cliche as fuck, if I don't manage to make it better i'm just gonna get rid of it.

Nah right now I just write them & rap them acapella, I'm gonna look into making beats soon to decide if I should make my own or get a producer.

[classthe_king]

There are so many producers on the internet you don't need to worry about that.

But if you have an msn or something pm me and I can help you with flow, multis and setting up your punchlines cause you've got really good ideas.

[VenomBlackViper]

Yeah I need to find someone that makes dark beats, i'ma worry abut all that after I get a job and buy recording equipment though.

I ain't been on MSN in ages but i'll PM you my facebook link.

[ArsheyHaq]

Damn, I liked this even better than your last piece! Good stuff. I feel like with 'Mean Fool' you were tryin' to force the whole "amputee's knee" rhyme scheme too much, but here everything flowed better. I liked the words you chose to rhyme; dirt bike, pleading for help, running rampant. Good choice of words This would sound REAL dope, if recorded. Get in a studio man!

Anyway, you're really good with them multis. Also, you don't seem to have any filler rhymes, you use every line to its fullest. Keep posting! I'll be here to read every one of your raps.

[ArsheyHaq]

After reading this a second time, I REALLY love this line now:

"Fuck love, gimme sex at first sight"

lol

[VenomBlackViper]

Thanks man glad my shits gotten such a positive response, i'll definitely be posting in CW more often.

[mdemaz]

Good shit bra bra.

[VenomBlackViper]

Don't mind if I give this a

[DFrizzy44]

That's pretty good man... I can sense the anger in this... keep doin' ur thing...

[ThomasAguanis]

Th rhyming in this was solid. I couldn't get the flow to work right, but that's not too big of an issue. Again, you're clever with using some phrases, but a few seemed a bit out of place or forced. I didn't like the "burnt ice" line, but the "running rancid" one made up for it. Good job.

[EyeQ200]

Solid peice here, another crazy verse, horrorcore influenced, this was very clever in my oppinion:

Only reason for god to like me is cuz I bash faggots & hurt dykes

Not much i can say about this, it's basically the same feedback as the last one, a few people maybe don't like this line (for maybe content?) but i think that

Shove a radioactive spider up your ass & see if the bugging transmits
So spaced out from guzzling acid that i'm juggling planets

Was the best flowing lines in the whole verse

[VenomBlackViper]

WTF is going on ?

It's called a CW takeover, you ain't never heard of it?

[EyeQ200]

WTF is going on ?

It's called a CW takeover, you ain't never heard of it?

Movement sucks tbh.

Conducted by me