Freak Of Nature

[VenomBlackViper]

Freak of nature with a pen & piece of paper
My sperms got horns, i'm a demon maker
Busted all over a bitch & my semen ate her
You'll be frozen in fear when I give you a look of ice
My poison pen writes death sentances in the book of life
I'm freezing packs of polar bears & burning mate fireflies
Taking shots of rat poison & gurgling straight cyanide
Look through the window to your soul with my hurricane eye of the mind
Pantomime with the hands of time
I Got ice chips on my cold shoulder
Rock your jaw when I punch you in the face while I hold boulders
Take my retarded kid out for a park run
And brag to single moms about how I have a smart son
Robbing liquor stores with a dart gun
I'll Cut you off while you're speaking with my sharp tongue

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=111039

[WakeUpShow]

i don't even know where to start, just wow.

[classthe_king]

You had great rhymes, need to work on that flow though

[VenomBlackViper]

Thanks everyone

@Class, only line that I had trouble flowing was "Rock your jaw when I punch you in the face while I hold boulders" I'm more concerned about my structuring then flow.

[mdemaz]

Good shit bra.
Need to work on the bars lining up with the imaginary beat though..Maybe extract some shit.

[ArsheyHaq]

I really, REALLY enjoyed reading this! You are extremely good at coming up with witty, smart punchlines/metaphors with this horrorcore ish. Using multis throughout it made it all the more impressive

Some lines that stuck out to me just because of how clever they are:

"You'll be frozen in fear when I give you a look of ice"
niceee

"I'll Cut you off while you're speaking with my sharp tongue"
lovin' it

You come up with a lot of fresh lines I haven't seen others attempt before good work. I do have a problem with some of the lines you choose to include. Lines like the polar bear one and about you having a retarded kid should've been left out. To me, they kinda brought the verse down...but that's just me. Otherwise, awesome job. You seem to get better with each drop. And oh, yeah:

"My sperms got horns, i'm a demon maker
Busted all over a bitch & my semen ate her"
funny ass line, man

[Edge]

I really, REALLY enjoyed reading this! You are extremely good at coming up with witty, smart punchlines/metaphors with this horrorcore ish. Using multis throughout it made it all the more impressive

Some lines that stuck out to me just because of how clever they are:

"You'll be frozen in fear when I give you a look of ice"
niceee

"I'll Cut you off while you're speaking with my sharp tongue"
lovin' it

You come up with a lot of fresh lines I haven't seen others attempt before good work. I do have a problem with some of the lines you choose to include. Lines like the polar bear one and about you having a retarded kid should've been left out. To me, they kinda brought the verse down...but that's just me. Otherwise, awesome job. You seem to get better with each drop. And oh, yeah:

"My sperms got horns, i'm a demon maker
Busted all over a bitch & my semen ate her"
funny ass line, man

i was literally just about to type all of this lol
i have nothing else to say but what was just said... really good verse, i like the horrocore theme and the multis were dope. sick wordplay/punchlies.

[Edge]

reminds me of some old slim shady freestyle shit

[VenomBlackViper]

Thanks to everyone

[ThomasAguanis]

This was better than the last 2 pieces. Your flow and structure seem to be improving. The only thing I would change is the "hurricane eye of the mind" line. It's a great line, but seems far too long to fit properly with the rest of the verse. Overall, it was still a sick verse.

[EyeQ200]

This is a MASSIVE leap, absolutely crazy with so many quotables, i don't really know where to start here as i think everybody has already said what i've wanted to say, stepped it up a lot with the punchlines, immensly! And it flows so much better and is a lot more complex, still seeing a lot of wit there, my favourite so far, well done on this, nothing i can really pick out here

[Enimee]

bro your def settin up your rhymes incredibly, i like all the imagery you use and how you find more and more adjectives to describe your point better...your structure was off but im not one to pick on that cause i never have good structure, and as far as your flow it waaaas good after your first 2 bars

Freak of nature with a pen & piece of paper
My sperms got horns, i'm a demon maker
Busted all over a bitch & my semen ate her

You'll be frozen in fear when I give you a look of ice
My poison pen writes death sentances in the book of life

you shuda thrown a multi to complete the paper make ater her scheme in your 4th line, or just continued the scheme till the end and made it even, i do this from time to time too...but it looked unintentional here and through your flow off in the begining by just a tad therein taking away from your sick ass concept, sperm got horns? like wtf thats hilarious man


so yeah keep this shit up just work on bar symmetry and your shit will be near perfect tbh

[Static]

Wow, this is amazing!

There's not one single bad line in there. As someone else said, this reminds me of some old Slim Shady stuff, it's incredible! Do you record too, or just write? If you're recording, I would love to hear some of your work, so link me to that! Anyways, it's amazing, you've got incredible wit and amazing rhymes!