Out of its Orbit

[ArsheyHaq]

lol Iono..

I have dreams of havin' a spouse that is gorgeous/
dressed in a blouse and corset restin' on a couch that's imported/
surrounded by thousands of portraits in a house that's enormous/
but the route that I'm towards is, is gon' have me shout at its mortgage!/
education, I never found it important so I'm 'bout to just forfeit/
I'm down on all fours, bowing down to the Lord, but/
the more that I worship it's soundin' like horseshit!!/
got this gun placed between my mouth and my forehead/
I'm sick of this world! I'm blowin' my brains out of it's orbit/
BANG!!!



viewtopic.php?f=24&t=111303

[ArsheyHaq]

This is actually touchy and meaningful , i like this
Amazing drop , killer mutlti's/rhymes and the making of the concept is simply awesome
First it's fantasy than the Real-World .. in some really great-crafted lyrics
You're ony of my favorite writers here

got this gun placed between my mouth and my forehead/
I'm sick of this world! I'm blowin' my brains out of it's orbit/

Now that's just genius

Haha thanks looks like I have a fan you post on like every one of my pieces! Appreciate it, man

[VenomBlackViper]

This is dope man I like how you kept up the same rhyme scheme the entire time while managing to tell a story. Out of curiosity do you piece these 16s you post here together with other 16s & put them together to make a song?

[Drug.Ballad]

Damn, that was really good. Great rhymes while managing to keep the story going without going off track.

[ArsheyHaq]

This is dope man I like how you kept up the same rhyme scheme the entire time while managing to tell a story. Out of curiosity do you piece these 16s you post here together with other 16s & put them together to make a song?

No, I've never actually attempted to make a full song. I can never seem to talk about a subject for more than one verse haha

Damn, that was really good. Great rhymes while managing to keep the story going without going off track.

If you liked the way I did that you should read my piece 'Mother Dearest' or "Destined For Greatness'... On both of them I keep the same set of rhymes going the whole verse, and I personally think I did a better job on those two than this piece.

Thanks for the feed, guys

[VenomBlackViper]

This is dope man I like how you kept up the same rhyme scheme the entire time while managing to tell a story. Out of curiosity do you piece these 16s you post here together with other 16s & put them together to make a song?

No, I've never actually attempted to make a full song. I can never seem to talk about a subject for more than one verse haha

You should attempt one sometime, it's not really that hard. A trick I use sometimes is write one giant ass verse & then split it into 2 or 3 smaller verses, then just make a hook around the subject of a song & you're good to go.

[Spyder]

nice drop man, needs to be extended but you kept the same multies throughout and has a great flow, i never stumbled once