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The Stranger

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Re: The Stranger

Postby WakeUpShow » Apr 10th, '11, 15:12

C.R.E.A.M wrote:Great concept , This is awesome as hell :worship:
And the flow was great , and i always thought you are the best new writer with multi's imo
And it's a good thing you bumped it cause i had the chance to read this :y:

You can improve the flow by structuring, cause some lines were longer than the others and that's the only thing bad about it :y:

Peace out :b:

hey thanks alot man :b: i see my flaws now that I look back on it, like simple rhyming in parts, flow structure etc. but i'm still really proud of the concept :8)
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Re: The Stranger

Postby Maybe » Apr 12th, '11, 01:41

Firstly, the rhyming was phenomenal. You didn't overdo it with a thousand internals in ever bar, and the execution was spot on. The flow was odd, but not off-putting. I enjoy unique flows (Seriously, you've read my stuff). You shine brightly with this piece, and the story was pretty good. When you can capture the interest of the read and maintain consistency throughout a song about a single subject matter, you know that you've done a good job.

No complaints, honestly. I'd say, if you needed constructive criticism to live, I'd work on your structural rhymes. As in, try to rhyme words mid sentence and break them apart a bit.
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Re: The Stranger

Postby WakeUpShow » Apr 12th, '11, 19:53

Maybe wrote:Firstly, the rhyming was phenomenal. You didn't overdo it with a thousand internals in ever bar, and the execution was spot on. The flow was odd, but not off-putting. I enjoy unique flows (Seriously, you've read my stuff). You shine brightly with this piece, and the story was pretty good. When you can capture the interest of the read and maintain consistency throughout a song about a single subject matter, you know that you've done a good job.

No complaints, honestly. I'd say, if you needed constructive criticism to live, I'd work on your structural rhymes. As in, try to rhyme words mid sentence and break them apart a bit.

:worship: thanks alot man. it means alot. :b:
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Re: The Stranger

Postby Innovation » Apr 12th, '11, 23:27

Awesome concept, awesome rhyming, awesome verse!
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Re: The Stranger

Postby Edge » Apr 13th, '11, 15:03

good shit man. dope multis. tbh when i read it it flowed fine for me
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Re: The Stranger

Postby Drug.Ballad » Apr 13th, '11, 23:09

that was dope, great concept :y:
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