Shit is Obvious

[MikeNUFC]

Some nice lines here and it's pretty creative.The rhyming was pretty boring though, for me, and it brought the piece down quite a bit.

Your flow is all over the place as well. Try and match up the syllables a bit more, just makes it flow smoother.

I liked this bit, made me smile:

I don't believe in God, The earth probably made itself
Humans made by scientists and These made by Elves
I believe money is not important, I steal food legally
When i die peacefully i'll share my 10 dollars with my kids equally

[VenomBlackViper]

This is pretty good, I always like ridiculous shit like this. Your lyrics need improving though, try beginning to use multis more. My favorite line was

When i die peacefully i'll share my 10 dollars with my kids equally

also I noticed I got a shoutout in here

I'd rather travel on a horse than a Viper with interiors

[ArsheyHaq]

Your ideas are always pretty awesome. Haha, if you learn to rhyme better (you are improving though) you'd be one of the best conceptual lyricists I've come across I agree, it is kind of all over the place, but I think that was intentional by you..? Nonetheless, you should have SOME focus so it's enjoyable to follow along. I love your work, man Here were some lines I enjoyed:

"I believe money is not important, I steal food legally
When i die peacefully i'll share my 10 dollars with my kids equally"
HAHA wtf?

"I like watching movies cause of the drama they're making
These hot girls on FOX often get me masturbating"
that second line holds true for a LOT of us

Try some multis for your next rap. I think you're ready.

[Sam.]

this was dope man more serious than your previous drops ,definitely a record worthy verse cuz i could flow over it with a beat in my mind (Sadistik-November) ,

These trees are Yellow , These Oranges are Dark-Blue
Pop music sucks but Lyrics are their excuse
I love school, It gives me really useful information
That i will use in real life like Mental-Calculation
I don't believe in God, The earth probably made itself
Humans made by scientists and These made by Elves
I believe money is not important, I steal food legally
When i die peacefully i'll share my 10 dollars with my kids equally
I don't wanna get signed major, i don't want to be famous
I don't wanna walk around with 20 bitches on my anus
And i also think that the old centuries were superior
I'd rather travel on a horse than a Viper with interiors
I like watching movies cause of the drama they're making
These hot girls on FOX often get me masturbating
And i hate rap music cause it's like a ship sunk .... boring
I think "hooks" are the best cuts but verses get me snoring
I also hate Bitches, they're a fucking waste of Airs
I'd like to get a Nike instead of B.M.F on kids and chairs
And i hate Stage-Names it's pussies hiding their real life
I should go by the name Ahmad it's perfect and i'll put a copyright
I like to share secrets with my parents, they're completely understanding
They won't question me around like the crew i like to stand with
It's cool to have nonsense lyrics cause Friday was great
It feels a bit like a sequel for that Why song by Nate
I made this song from scratch cause i wanted to post
It's not like there's a point to snatch, Subjects are for rooks

the lines in italics were really boring to me but the lines in bold are the lines i really liked .
rest is covered in the posts above me .

[Sam.]

Thanks for breaking it down man , made me know which rhymes did i failed in
And i'll see if i can record it, if i can i'll add 3 more bars and drop it in the AS section
That beat fits well, nice catch , I'll try this in either this or Role Model's beat

Thanks a lot for the feedback man

or any beat with a nice medium paced baseline