Bar Fight

[Spyder]

I show up to make a presence to blow up and bomb good
I said break a leg so maybe we started off on the wrong foot,
Im not rhyming bout jackin some cops and braggin a lot
Ima take the square root of this game and put rap in a box,
Im a firewall to these net stars, go to write, try and they stop
Cause I scatter plots like math with Michael J. Fox.
Ill leave your head severed so the neck of your sweater is bare
Bukkake leaves white dots on ya chest like the pearl necklace you wear.
Im reckless and swear when my breath hits the air, me deceitful?
Im just trying to creep through these speakers to eat you.
I batter and bruise kids like Dad who thinks little Jack is a nuisance
Don’t you see, your eyeglasses to a cyclops, half of yous useless.
In fact, if you could face the facts of basic math, think you appeal?
Cause you and I together is the only way that you are real…
And don’t compare me to Em id rather be compared to Copy tracks
But y’all a bunch of recycled copycats so when you repeat me its prolly that,
Call me whack, ok… then why does your shit sounds like what I would do?
I bring new energy to balance the game out like iRenew…Shit
Thinkin you safe or what, my lines got u runnin to race and duck
My shit so sharp even lookin at my rhyme book you get papercuts.
I spray and bust like automatic weapons while I thug
So ill continue you to fuck you up like the mile high club.
Im out

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=111531

[VenomBlackViper]

Damn this is the first piece i've read from you & it's fucking dope. Packed full of dope punchlines, my favorites are

I show up to make a presence to blow up and bomb good
I said break a leg so maybe we started off on the wrong foot,
Im not rhyming bout jackin some cops and braggin a lot
Ima take the square root of this game and put rap in a box,
Im a firewall to these net stars, go to write, try and they stop
Cause I scatter plots like math with Michael J. Fox.

I batter and bruise kids like Dad who thinks little Jack is a nuisance
Don’t you see, your eyeglasses to a cyclops, half of yous useless.

Thinkin you safe or what, my lines got u runnin to race and duck
My shit so sharp even lookin at my rhyme book you get papercuts.

wasn't really feeling the last 2 lines though

I spray and bust like automatic weapons while I thug
So ill continue you to fuck you up like the mile high club.

that whole "fuck you up" thing has been done to death. Aside from that great job & I look forward to seeing more of your shit on here.

[Spyder]

thanks bro, and ya i was debating on putting that in but o well thanks for the feed man

[Sam.]

i'll be short and simple
well structured , felt stretched at places ,punchlines were fine but it didn't hit me that hard than some of ur works that i have read from you .
i rate it
7/10

btw it seemed a little Eminem'sh at the start .

[Spyder]

thanks for the feed bro, and yeah after every tourney i just feel like punches so i do ones with no point

[Maybe]

For a simple punchline piece, it was ace. No doubt talent is present, but unfortunately it fell short in a few parts. For the most part, it held my attention and I must say that the rhyming was very good. The vocabulary was great, and the verse as a whole was enjoyable.

8.5/10. Would be a 10/10 if you fixed a few filler lines.


If you have a chance could you check out my piece?

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=111778&p=1593310#p1593310

[Spyder]

thanks bro yeah im on it