Freestyle 2

by **WakeUpShow** » Apr 17th, '11, 19:41

Flow was alright. But you gotta try and step your rhyming up. First try 2 syllables, then work your way up. Also, try to keep a single focus, you seemed to shift the theme multiple times. Good drop though.

by **Sam.** » Apr 17th, '11, 19:58

u improved on the flow a lot and little less on the structure and last but not the least the content was too simple bro .
keep writing and practicing . :y:

by **WakeUpShow** » Apr 17th, '11, 20:46

structure is the dumbest thing ever. Never, i mean NEVER sacrifice your flow so that your verse looks like a fucking box. Fuck that.

by **classthe_king** » Apr 17th, '11, 20:49

Cosh wrote:structure is the dumbest thing ever. Never, i mean NEVER sacrifice your flow so that your verse looks like a fucking box. Fuck that.

Structure is not making your verse a box. It's how you place your rhymes to structure the flow of your verse.

by **WakeUpShow** » Apr 17th, '11, 21:37

classthe_king wrote:
Cosh wrote:structure is the dumbest thing ever. Never, i mean NEVER sacrifice your flow so that your verse looks like a fucking box. Fuck that.

Structure is not making your verse a box. It's how you place your rhymes to structure the flow of your verse.

ooo ok, it gets me pissed off because everytime i see some one say nice structure, the verse is a square. I'm like "how the fuck is that help the piece at all!" lol

by **classthe_king** » Apr 17th, '11, 21:38

Cosh wrote:
classthe_king wrote:
Cosh wrote:structure is the dumbest thing ever. Never, i mean NEVER sacrifice your flow so that your verse looks like a fucking box. Fuck that.

Structure is not making your verse a box. It's how you place your rhymes to structure the flow of your verse.

ooo ok, it gets me pissed off because everytime i see some one say nice structure, the verse is a square. I'm like "how the fuck is that help the piece at all!" lol

Most people don't know, they just refer to your lines looking the same as text structure.

by **Maybe** » Apr 17th, '11, 21:57

I'm living in the city of dust, where nobody ever cares,
And my friends are never there, so I'm giving it up...
they find me ugly...
and they hate me cause they must think that I'm lucky
It's unfair, even though my soul isn't lonely...
People stare and judge, but their too scared to approach me...
My family in Gaza is getting bombed and destroyed...
but I can't say shit, cause they won't even hear my voice,
over explosions, the corrosion, the pretending that enforces it,
I'm trying to be honest, with a promise made of porcelain...
I swear to God I'll be the hardest with a hammer heading east,
hide the guns and all their rockets in my pockets and I'll leave...

I fixed your structure a bit, just so you can see what I meant by structure.

Freestyle 2

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