This Isn't Poetry - Full Song!

[Maybe]

I posted the first verse to this a short while ago (and it was slept on like a flight to China). I edited it a little bit, wrote a second verse + a hook and decided to make it a throwaway song. Enjoy!

I pretty much follow a comment me--I comment you routine, so feel free to share your thoughts, and I'll do the same.

I wasn't hugged as a kid, just fucked with parent egos...
now I'm making snuff films, cause I'm tearin'-teen-hoes,
(we know...) I would burn the monastery down...
but there's no monetary value in your "fathers" empty house...
(let me out!)... I'm just searching through the sock drawers,
searching for a part of me that's orange with the clockwork,
cornered in the dark... I'll manipulate the daydreams...
and take a brush to readjust the painting of the mainstream...
we pray to live forever, while we're toppled by our Gods sword,
while vagabonds are laughing, writing novels on their cardboard...
(yeah...) that's what a hearts for... a tolerance for liquor, plus,
I bottle what I think so I can drink it when I'm liquored up...
I seek rejuvenation while I wait to watch the curvatures,
and learn to grow again, before the vodka mocks the vertigo,
(we've heard it all...) I'll pay the buck, cause who am I to disagree,
when lady luck is suicidal only for the sympathy?

This isn't poetry... There's no emotions here,
it's just a closeup of an open-seat... hope it leaves,
so I can kiss away the wreckage...
and try to start anew without the pillow case defensive... X2

I'm dope enough to take apart the shackles...
break the art of rap in hopes to make a mark that matters...
I'll space apart the shadows as I smile at my self-esteem...
so wild and aggressive with a child in the mess to clean...
Sure... I could cry but in the product that depression breeds,
is a selfish need, and I promised that I'd be selfless... (please!)
(I don't tear over the few minutes lost,)
(cause time doesn't exist, we're just using a clock...)
(and... I don't weep over the funeral costs,)
(cause time doesn't wait for us to prove that it's wrong)
so until then, I'll be searching for the moment of clarity...
surging through the omens and the tormented tarot reads...
cause apparently I'm molded in to form by a ghosts hands...
and still my bible's nothing but a coaster for coke cans...
I payed to live... but I'm just tired of the free time...
I'll find a place to leave behind the smiley face and peace sign...




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viewtopic.php?f=24&t=112087

[Maybe]

I'm like a piece of cardboard in a New Jersey alleyway---Slept on.

[classthe_king]

That was amazing man, the rhyming sounded fantastic when rapped out loud and I caught on to the flow pretty quickly. Can't wait to hear you record it.

[ArsheyHaq]

You really do get slept on haha cuz damn, son, you're good! You have a way with words that I have not seen by anyone else on this forum. I was going to post some of my favorite lines, but then I kept finding more and more till I pretty much pasted the whole piece lol BUT few parts did stick out to me the most:

"I'm dope enough to take apart the shackles...
break the art of rap in hopes to make a mark that matters...
I'll space apart the shadows"
^^^loved the rhyming and flow on that^^^

and

"(I don't tear over the few minutes lost,)
(cause time doesn't exist, we're just using a clock...)
(and... I don't weep over the funeral costs,)
(cause time doesn't wait for us to prove that it's wrong)"
^^^that's pretty amazing how well you came up with these rhymes^^^

umm...

"so until then, I'll be searching for the moment of clarity...
surging through the omens and the tormented tarot reads..."
^^^those type of rhymes seem sort of forced, but your imagery and delivery makes up for it^^^

Anyway, good work! I can always come to one of your posts for a good drop. Don't sweat about being slept on. It usually helps not to mention you're being slept on haha just keep posting hot shit. They can't ignore dopeness forever.

[Maybe]

You really do get slept on haha cuz damn, son, you're good! You have a way with words that I have not seen by anyone else on this forum. I was going to post some of my favorite lines, but then I kept finding more and more till I pretty much pasted the whole piece lol BUT few parts did stick out to me the most:

"I'm dope enough to take apart the shackles...
break the art of rap in hopes to make a mark that matters...
I'll space apart the shadows"
^^^loved the rhyming and flow on that^^^

and

"(I don't tear over the few minutes lost,)
(cause time doesn't exist, we're just using a clock...)
(and... I don't weep over the funeral costs,)
(cause time doesn't wait for us to prove that it's wrong)"
^^^that's pretty amazing how well you came up with these rhymes^^^

umm...

"so until then, I'll be searching for the moment of clarity...
surging through the omens and the tormented tarot reads..."
^^^those type of rhymes seem sort of forced, but your imagery and delivery makes up for it^^^

Anyway, good work! I can always come to one of your posts for a good drop. Don't sweat about being slept on. It usually helps not to mention you're being slept on haha just keep posting hot shit. They can't ignore dopeness forever.

Thanks a lot man. I truly appreciate you taking the time to check my stuff out and tell me what you liked. That's the only reason I still bother posting to be honest, replies like this haha.

[Master Chief]

Damn, dude. You don't understand how hard it is to give you constructive feedback when you're writing on a professional level. You're rhyming is obviously excellent (duh) but it's very unique. The words you use to rhyme are very different. Example...

I wasn't hugged as a kid, just fucked with parent egos...
now I'm making snuff films, cause I'm tearin'-teen-hoes,
(we know...) I would burn the monastery down...
but there's no monetary value in your "fathers" empty house...

I would've never thought of those words to rhyme. Putting those "..." actually helps on catching a flow. All in all, it was fun to rap this. Your vocabulary is exteremely advanced. Kind of like Canibus but you actually make sense. Amazing, man. I hope you make it big because your writing is worthy of that

[Maybe]

Damn, dude. You don't understand how hard it is to give you constructive feedback when you're writing on a professional level. You're rhyming is obviously excellent (duh) but it's very unique. The words you use to rhyme are very different. Example...

I wasn't hugged as a kid, just fucked with parent egos...
now I'm making snuff films, cause I'm tearin'-teen-hoes,
(we know...) I would burn the monastery down...
but there's no monetary value in your "fathers" empty house...

I would've never thought of those words to rhyme. Putting those "..." actually helps on catching a flow. All in all, it was fun to rap this. Your vocabulary is exteremely advanced. Kind of like Canibus but you actually make sense. Amazing, man. I hope you make it big because your writing is worthy of that

Thanks a lot bro. I honestly appreciate it a lot... I'm glad you notice the hard work I put in to pieces to make them one of a kind hahaha, and comments like this are inspiration.

[Maybe]

Buhuhump.

[Vettori]

The entire first verse was stunning, definatly Did justice..I actually feel it should be recorded.

i loved this line too

cause apparently I'm molded in to form by a ghosts hands...
and still my bible's nothing but a coaster for coke cans...
I payed to live... but I'm just tired of the free time...
I'll find a place to leave behind the smiley face and peace sign...

I love how you write. it reminds me of when i write, i look for the words noone else would say or use, As well it was comfortable to read, in a sense it felt recorded already.

Ill be getting ahold of you shortly...we "need" to do something.Send me something recent if you have anything. Iv'e only got, what i had the chance to hear years ago. & thats a damn shame..I can see ive been missing out.

[Maybe]

The entire first verse was stunning, definatly Did justice..I actually feel it should be recorded.

i loved this line too

cause apparently I'm molded in to form by a ghosts hands...
and still my bible's nothing but a coaster for coke cans...
I payed to live... but I'm just tired of the free time...
I'll find a place to leave behind the smiley face and peace sign...

I love how you write. it reminds me of when i write, i look for the words noone else would say or use, As well it was comfortable to read, in a sense it felt recorded already.

Ill be getting ahold of you shortly...we "need" to do something.Send me something recent if you have anything. Iv'e only got, what i had the chance to hear years ago. & thats a damn shame..I can see ive been missing out.

Thanks for the comment bro. Yeah, haha, I've been keeping my stuff a secret for a proper "perfect" debut, but hit me up with anything you have in mind. We definitely have to do something.

[ThomasAguanis]

That was flawless. There's nothing I can even try to pick out to criticize and there' s too many stand out lines to quote. The flow was on point, as was the rhyming. A classic Maybe piece of writing. Poetic, yet not overly difficult for the average listener to understand. I hope you choose to record & release this. It's too good to be a "throw away".

[Steve Spag]

Very nice man, still killin' 'em I see!
Still waiting to hear your thoughts on my new CD!

[Maybe]

That was flawless. There's nothing I can even try to pick out to criticize and there' s too many stand out lines to quote. The flow was on point, as was the rhyming. A classic Maybe piece of writing. Poetic, yet not overly difficult for the average listener to understand. I hope you choose to record & release this. It's too good to be a "throw away".

Thanks a lot for the comment man! I really appreciate you checking it out.

@Steve: Same to you, bro. I'll be checking your stuff out really soon. Looking forward to it.

[Steve Spag]

@Steve: Same to you, bro. I'll be checking your stuff out really soon. Looking forward to it.

Looking forward to your feedback!

[Xray]

That was dope bro. It was different coming from you, felt more street. The first couple of lines at the beginning flowed crazy. Good shit, you recording this? I wanna peep.

If you can check this:http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=113532&p=1622829#p1622829