The End

[Tash8]

I envisioned peace
but i was blind to see,
to be evil or be good,
it's keep dividing me
but conquer or get killed
it's the honor and this thrill
its keeps exciting me
ill be quick to jack your jewelry just like lindsay lohan is
and when you think you knew me ill be fifty old n rich
skinny dipping in lake michigin, living off your shit
...or driven 101 south sippin up a fifth
...listen kids, this is it, how all yall should live
first, learn to hit a bitch, learn to talk with a lisp
third, take my word, what i say is always right what they sayin is absurd,
check it, the meaning of this song is the underlying message
i spend my time to rhyme now how dumb is my obsession
its making me insane if you wonder why I'm demented,
but the money aint the goal its the comfort lyin in it
the thunder lightning with it to indulge self-expression
the best are both aggressive and reserved to keep you guessin
regress is for the lazy depress is for the weak
impress is for the showoff and the best dont need sleep

feedback:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=112976

[Steve Spag]

Pretty good man, although I felt the rhyming was pretty basic at times. It's funny, it actually reminds me of some Eminem Infinite shit, the way you put your words together and the way you present some of your bars. The flow is pretty cool, does its switch ups and goes with your rhymes. I like that Lohan line, haha.

Keep it up broski!

[Tash8]

Pretty good man, although I felt the rhyming was pretty basic at times.

THanks man, appreciate the feed, but what exactly do you mean the rhyming is basic, in which way?

[Tash8]

I envisioned peace
but i was blind to see,
to be evil or be good,
it's keep dividing me
but conquer or get killed
it's the honor and this thrill
its keeps exciting me
ill be quick to jack your jewelry just like lindsay lohan is
and when you think you knew me ill be fifty old n rich
skinny dipping in lake michigin, living off your shit
...or driven 101 south sippin up a fifth
...listen kids, this is it, how all yall should live
first, learn to hit a bitch, learn to talk with a lisp
third, take my word, what i say is always right what they sayin is absurd,
check it, the meaning of this song is the underlying message
i spend my time to rhyme now how dumb is my obsession
its making me insane if you wonder why I'm demented,
but the money aint the goal its the comfort lyin in it
the thunder lightning with it to indulge self-expression
the best are both aggressive and reserved to keep you guessin
regress is for the lazy depress is for the weak
impress is for the showoff and the best dont need sleep

[Steve Spag]

Pretty good man, although I felt the rhyming was pretty basic at times.

THanks man, appreciate the feed, but what exactly do you mean the rhyming is basic, in which way?

The scheme and vocab. in my opinion but it's nothing to worry about.

[Tash8]

The scheme and vocab. in my opinion but it's nothing to worry about.

appreciate it and sorry to dwell on it but i just like to understand, so could you give me examples?

and about my schemes, which scheme are you talking about? cause i think there's 3 or 4 different rhymes schemes in there.

thanks again

[Steve Spag]

The scheme and vocab. in my opinion but it's nothing to worry about.

appreciate it and sorry to dwell on it but i just like to understand, so could you give me examples?

and about my schemes, which scheme are you talking about? cause i think there's 3 or 4 different rhymes schemes in there.

thanks again

Hard to be specific but it just seemed very predictable, not saying it's a bad piece because I do like it but I know you can do better than this. I noticed the switch ups but I felt that they didn't really blend well together one after another. To me, when I flow it, it doesn't sound like a rap song, it sounds more like a poetry verse, but hey, maybe that's what you were going for.

[Tash8]

Hard to be specific but it just seemed very predictable, not saying it's a bad piece because I do like it but I know you can do better than this. I noticed the switch ups but I felt that they didn't really blend well together one after another. To me, when I flow it, it doesn't sound like a rap song, it sounds more like a poetry verse, but hey, maybe that's what you were going for.

hmm, ok i'll see what i can do for the next verse, thanks man i appreciate it.

[Maybe]

I thought I left a comment here... Weird.

Anyway, I really liked it man, especially the flow. It felt... hmmm, "spaced", in a sense. It was really easy to read and understand, and the content was great. Like Steve said, it was a tad predictable, but that's not always a bad thing. It wasn't ironic, but more a real type with predictability.

Great stuff bro, 9/10

[Tash8]

I thought I left a comment here... Weird.

Anyway, I really liked it man, especially the flow. It felt... hmmm, "spaced", in a sense. It was really easy to read and understand, and the content was great. Like Steve said, it was a tad predictable, but that's not always a bad thing. It wasn't ironic, but more a real type with predictability.

Great stuff bro, 9/10

thanks man appreciate it, btw i loved This Isn't Poetry, great lyrics just wish you'd post the recording!

Good stuff mate, liked how it built up...like steve said reminded me a bit of the proper old eminem stuff.

Clarky! thanks dude