Lifes a Dream (feedback, and now with 2nd verse)

[BigBoss]

So any feedback would be great, I wanna make this a full song, tell me if it flows nice to you, anything really.

Verse 1
In my heart I got a malady,
cause reality has been really been kickin the shit out of me with brutality,
and my family ain't been helpin cause in my heart all they are is a fuckin cavity,
I can't wait till I'm gone livin in my own damn isolated municipality,
livin life full of depravity's,
But untill then lifes causin me huge fuckin calamity's,
givin me a low self sense of vanity,
which is why I'm customed to a high level of profanity,
I don't see a inanity if we all just gonna die anyway what's the point of makin a life long strategy,
Hell, maybe I'll visit Italia and check out The Cinque Terre, and get a Bella Italiano donne to marry me,
but that ain't gonna happen, cause this is all just a dream...

*chorus* (I'm still working on it, tell me how you think the chorus should go)

Verse 2

Yea, when I had the fall she wasn't there to be my supporting wall,
She made me wallow in my sorrow with a bottle of fuckin ethanol,
When I was slowed to a crawl she was spendin my money at the damn mall,
Feelin like I was on my sepulchraul she couldn't even bother with a fuckin call,
All she ever did was make me feel gall,
Lust is the only thing that kept me as her fuckin thrall,
But damn I can't believe I was another stupid fish to get caught in her trawl,
If she could see me now, flowin like a waterfall,
See, one day my mind stopped with a squall,
And I decided it was time to several,
She wasn't worth it at all,
With her I felt cold and short like fall,
But now I see more clearly cause now I'm standing tall...

[BigBoss]

2nd verse was weak compared to the 1st imo. That's just me though, and I understand it's a work in progress. Keep it up, I liked the multies in the 1st verse.

Mind feeding me and Menzo's? viewtopic.php?f=24&t=115491

I was going for a story type thing in 2nd verse but iono, and yea!

[Alex2012]

I feel this song is that your heart is sad
but you speak of hope at the end of your second verse, does that mean you're changing as in Eminem's song, then your chorus must necessarily be positive ....

Now, I look forward to read the rest of this song ...

[BigBoss]

I feel this song is that your heart is sad
but you speak of hope at the end of your second verse, does that mean you're changing as in Eminem's song, then your chorus must necessarily be positive ....

Now, I look forward to read the rest of this song ...

Yea actually, i wanted it to go from from bad->worse->then better/uplifting