The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

VBV - Go To Hell

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

VBV - Go To Hell

Postby VenomBlackViper » Jun 11th, '11, 23:56

My name rings Hells Bells when you speak of the Devil
Toot my own Devil horns & feel your feet start to tremble
This is the end of the road, i'm glad you made it
If you're brothers in arms you can all get amputated
I'll make you bite the bullets you're sweating
The trigger's similar to a bad show, if I pull it it's ending
My sulfuric stomach acid mutates butterflies to poisonous moths
When it comes time to pay my respects i'm avoiding the costs
Smoking bomb weed out of a peace pipe
About to reignite the tree of life
Reaching for the higher stars with a firearm
Fire power & star power combined, so when I shoot for the stars
I blow up Jupiter & Mars
As a baby I didn't sleep in cribs I was kept in holding cells
2nd grade, revealing government secrets for show & tell
I don't give a fuck if you're heaven sent you can still to go to hell

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=115428
Last edited by VenomBlackViper on Jul 2nd, '11, 13:35, edited 1 time in total.
Image
User avatar
VenomBlackViper
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 5426
Joined: Dec 13th, '10, 22:13
Location: Going Through The Grinder
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby VenomBlackViper » Jun 12th, '11, 00:03

Geno wrote:Awesome. This is the kinda thing I like writing about. :worship:

I just enjoyed it a lot.

VBV & Geno collab coming soon? :o
Image
User avatar
VenomBlackViper
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 5426
Joined: Dec 13th, '10, 22:13
Location: Going Through The Grinder
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby Pllumi » Jun 12th, '11, 00:35

awesome, especially this one ,,Reaching for the higher stars with a firearm,, :worship:
User avatar
Pllumi
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2400
Joined: Dec 15th, '09, 18:22
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby Raids-God » Jun 12th, '11, 00:44

:worship: Punchlines hit hard, that was pretty good shit man
Stay at it :y:
Image
User avatar
Raids-God
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3539
Joined: Jan 29th, '10, 22:51
Location: The Naxteratem of Raids god
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby WinstonMARX » Jun 12th, '11, 00:52

You've came a long way but if you were a bit more consistent you'd be set.

Best Part(s):
If you're brothers in arms you can all get amputated

As a baby I didn't sleep in cribs I was kept in holding cells
2nd grade, revealing government secrets for show & tell


Worst Part(s):
Reaching for the higher stars with a firearm
Fire power & star power combined, so when I shoot for the stars
I blow up Jupiter & Mars


Keep it up. :y:
WinstonMARX
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 105
Joined: May 26th, '11, 04:25

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby Atone » Jun 12th, '11, 01:17

WinstonMARX wrote:You've came a long way but if you were a bit more consistent you'd be set.

Best Part(s):
If you're brothers in arms you can all get amputated

As a baby I didn't sleep in cribs I was kept in holding cells
2nd grade, revealing government secrets for show & tell


Worst Part(s):
Reaching for the higher stars with a firearm
Fire power & star power combined, so when I shoot for the stars
I blow up Jupiter & Mars


Keep it up. :y:


Agreed, your really good venom, never really expected this lol

honestly if you think about it, half the writers on this forum need record deals lol, this forum is full of dudes who got more talent than alot of what comes from these mainstream rappers you hear these days.
Image
User avatar
Atone
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4855
Joined: Jun 1st, '10, 08:47
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby flyingmonkey10 » Jun 12th, '11, 01:39

motherfucker, get a hot beat and spit that shit like your life depended on it :worship:

loved the last line. does justice to all types of writing in all forms.
How can hip-hop be dead if Wu-Tang is forever?

Image ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
flyingmonkey10
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3345
Joined: Dec 29th, '09, 02:24
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby VenomBlackViper » Jun 12th, '11, 04:10

Appreciate all the feed guys :y:
Image
User avatar
VenomBlackViper
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 5426
Joined: Dec 13th, '10, 22:13
Location: Going Through The Grinder
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby Mooks » Jun 12th, '11, 04:15

Damn man...that was good. Ill take tips from you. :y:
Mooks
Closet Cleaner
Closet Cleaner
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Jun 12th, '11, 03:46

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby Yah-hah » Jun 12th, '11, 20:23

Heard this before homie secrets safe with me
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
User avatar
Yah-hah
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2724
Joined: Jun 7th, '09, 09:25
Location: El Dorado, Kansas USA
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby VenomBlackViper » Jun 12th, '11, 20:33

Yah-hah wrote:Heard this before homie secrets safe with me

:shifty:
Image
User avatar
VenomBlackViper
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 5426
Joined: Dec 13th, '10, 22:13
Location: Going Through The Grinder
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby classthe_king » Jun 14th, '11, 21:01

It started off sick but then it kind of fell off. Like Cole said, you need to be more consistent
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
User avatar
classthe_king
Addict
Addict
 
Posts: 14163
Joined: Feb 12th, '09, 02:30
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby WakeUpShow » Jun 17th, '11, 05:58

Punches were awesome as usual, but you fell victim to filler as I usually do. I like the dark content and the rhyming, but the flow was messy. Think you could hit my piece up?
User avatar
WakeUpShow
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3168
Joined: Apr 17th, '10, 17:13
Location: America
Gender: Female

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby VenomBlackViper » Jul 2nd, '11, 13:35

Edited this a bit to make some punches better.
Image
User avatar
VenomBlackViper
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 5426
Joined: Dec 13th, '10, 22:13
Location: Going Through The Grinder
Gender: Male

Re: VBV - Go To Hell

Postby EyeQ200 » Jul 2nd, '11, 13:39

This is great, kept the theme going, it got "weaker" towards the end but i wouldn't say that it "fell off" because you came with the heat all the way through.
The only thing i can say i wasn't a fan of, was the last line, it wasn't the line itself, but it just didn't seem to end the verse right, if you understand what i'm getting at? It was more of a mid-verse rhyme, rather than something to wrap a verse up with, other than that, keep at it :b:
Fuck a sig, i go accapella.
User avatar
EyeQ200
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 387
Joined: May 1st, '11, 19:43

Next

Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot]